Response to Minerva McGonagall's Letter

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by drewscams

by drewscams

Dear Deputy Headmistress McGonagall,
Thank you for inviting me to take a part in your "extraordinary"Witchcraft and Wizardry experience at Hogwarts! Sadly, I must decline. My reasonings for this rejoinder are very pity and fable. To commence, I was slightly horrified and disgusted when you sent a barbaric and hairy giant into the house that Uncle Vernon was bunking us in. Furthermore, this giant who announced himself as "Hagrid" threatened my family and I by using a pink umbrella that seemed to emit many odd things making my sincere cousin Dudley grow a pig tail! A live horrid pig tail! "Hagrid" was saying things such as "Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby," and "Yeh look a lot like yer dad, but yeh've got yer mom's eyes." This was quite interesting because I do not recall seeing such a large and horrid beast in my childhood. Moreover, he brought up the topic of my "scar". You see most people do not notice that I drew that scar on my face with a permanent marker because I wanted to be popular and be noticed.
I do not understand why you freaky witches and wizards expect me to travel with a large creature I have never met before to a place that I do not even know of. I love spending time with my kind, loving, caring, and sincere family. Why would I want to spend time with grotesque people who are so weak and old and have beards that touch the floor? Also, what makes you think that I would want to become one of the most popular wizards of all time who will always be respected and and hipster? Why would I want to learn how to make things levitate and fly? Why would I want to learn how to cast spells that alter people's senses? You answer these questions for yourself. I would never want to go to Hogwarts because I am without a doubt the most noticed and popular student in my grade and school! I have so many girlfriends that there is a waiting list called "Harry Potter's Future Wives". Overall, I will totally not be attending your school on September 1st.
Sincerely,
Harry Potter