My first few weeks in Michigan pass pretty smoothly and I feel like I'm getting in my groove. Most of my time is spent bouncing between going to classes and working at the coffee shop.
Most early morning shifts I can expect to see Jace after his practice and without fail each time I pour him a large black coffee before he has the chance to order.
Which was no exception today when he came in around 7am. His hair a little wet from just having showered a grey hood pulled up over his head. My mind drifted to how good he looked as I stand at the counter pouring chocolate chips in the cookie dough I'm making.
It's 9pm now and I'm home alone baking cookies. One thing I've realized since moving in is that I'm home alone a lot. Eric practically lives at his girlfriends and Jaces hockey commitments keep him going 24/7.
I hear the door open, just as I begin to fold the chocolate chips into the dough.
Followed by Jaces voice on the phone. He's loud and at first I think he sounds angry but once I listen to what he's saying, I think he's stressed.
"I don't know dad. Our first away game is next week. They said scouts could be at any game...yeah I know it could use improvement they've been having me run drills for it.. no don't call anyone. I'll talk to the coaches here."
When he finally makes it into the kitchen and sees me he freezes. "Listen dad I gotta go, I'll call you later."
Once he's hung up the phone he rubs his face and then starts talking again, this time to me.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you'd be in here. I would've finished the call outside."
"What're you apologizing for? You live here." I hold out the cookie dough covered mixing spoon as an offering.
"Cookie dough helps me when I'm stressed. Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, referring to his phone call.
He accepts the spoon from me and takes a bite of the cookie dough before sitting down in a chair at the island while I get to work forming small balls of dough and lining them up on the baking sheet.
"My dad was set to go pro when he was my age but a bad injury took him out for a season and destroyed his chances. I love the guy, I do, it's just sometimes it seems like I'm living out his dream."
"Do you love hockey?" I ask "if you removed all the outside influences, do you Jace love getting on the ice and playing hockey?"
"More than I can describe." He says without hesitation and I can see the passion in the way he talks about it. "I love the adrenaline, the dedication it takes, the bond with the team. Fuck I even like the rush of the wind in your face when you pick up speed on the ice. I just wish sometimes that's how it was. No outside pressures."
"Well" I reply "I think it's possible for your dreams and your dads dreams to coexist. At the end of the day you both want the same things but you could focus a little harder on your whys and not the people around you why's."
I slide the cookies in the oven and it's quiet for a minute as Jace takes in what I said.
"I think some kids are gonna be really lucky when they have you to talk to" he offers and I smile at him. Happy I was able to help him feel a little better.
"What about you?" He questions "what causes you to stress eat cookie dough? Want to talk about it?"
I surprise myself when I consider his offer to talk about. I never share anything about myself. With anyone, every time I have it doesn't end well.
"I don't think I do" I decide but feel a need to continue "..not tonight anyways."
"Well if you change your mind, you know where to find me ..but you'd have to be in charge of the dough. I can't bake for shit."
I laugh at that relieved he's keeping it light hearted and not pressuring me to talk.
We spend nearly two hours after that in the kitchen eating cookies and talking about anything and everything. I'm wearing baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt, my wet hair from my shower earlier hanging around my face. Jace still wearing his jacket he walked in the door wearing.
I finally decide to call it a night and loop around the island to head to my room. When I pause and turn to Jace I'm standing closer to him then I expected so I reach out and grab his shoulder as I talk, "goodnight Jace. Thanks for keeping me company." I say sincerely.
His hand reaches up and covers mine giving it a gentle squeeze as he holds it to his shoulder. "Thank you for listening Cam and for the cookies. Sleep tight."
I give him a sleepy smile and he releases my hand. Freeing me to head back to my room and fall asleep.
