They don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you they don't love you.
Why do I feel like they don't at all. I feel stupid. Irritated with my fucking existence. I feel like I irritate others. I haven't done anything else but harm myself for coping. It's stupid I know but it's the only shit that keeps me calm besides drinking. I don't know if they even love me. I feel like they're annoyed of me even talking to me. It's like they're ignoring me I don't know. I just don't know. I really want to just get back into heavy drinking so I just forget how I actually feel. I just want to disappear for many goddamn reasons. That's it.
As well my parents grounded me for a stupid ass reason. My mom told me to wash my face right when I passed by the bathroom to check my dogs water. I didn't listen mainly because I already have a stupid routine I follow and around 7:30 I go into the bathroom to brush my hair, wash my face, and clean the bathroom and I'm already used to it. Even if I tried to explain her it she cut me off and demanded for my phone because I didn't listen. I just stood there and she pushed by me to go into my room and throw everything. I gave her the phone after that because I knew either way she'll just hit me or just lock me outside. I know it was stupid but right then and there I was just confused on why she wanted the phone.
I'm just so tired and stressed but I have to be there for my friends no matter what. They're way more important to me, their health matters more than mine, I don't care if I'm bad that I can even collapse. My friends still need support. I don't know who I can talk to about all this, all I can really do is just write it down which sorta helps but not as much as my coping does.
