Recovery 🧡

•14.peace•

*******
Las Vegas gp:
P1 max verstappen (rb)
P2 charles Leclerc (Ferrari)
P3 oscar piastri (rb)

Lando-p5

*******
February 23rd 2024.

I wake up to the morning sun.
the sun still rising as the mixture of yellow begins to blend.the clouds merging through with their white contrast.the roads bellow me looking icy and wet,not unusual for a winter morning.The February breeze hitting me as I let the cool air in,stepping past the glass door;falling into the black arm chair below me as I continue to watch the sun rise as the bitter coldness bites at my bare skin,awaking the goosebumps on my skin which try and warm me.

it's been three months since the vegas Grand Prix and today I'm going to face all of that again but this time I'm part of it.
part of the:team,drivers,media and the sport.

that day,the day of qualifying.I had left landos room as quickly as could.I hadn't spoke to him since.the look on his face haunting me to this day,the look in his eyes which told me to stay but I couldn't,not then.
"I don't date people I'm an option too." we're his words.Words that cut me deep, yet again coming from his mouth.
Somehow the words that hurt only come from him.Words that leave scars in my brain caused by him.
I swear he wanted me to stay.
I wish he wanted me to stay.
"option"
he knew I loved him yet he still considered himself an option.
Whom was he an option too cause it wasn't me.
But that's what he was implying.
I don't know how he meant those words and I quite frankly I don't want to know.
In fact I don't want to speak to him again.
yet that's where my problem hits,he is my teammate,the guy I will be working alongside for a year.the guy whom I am meant to spend this wonderful season with.
I think I would rather die.

My winter break has been amazing.
Me and Victoria got back Monday morning after the race,falling into our beds as soon as we got home.missing my bed I lied in it all day as did vic. Only coming out of our rooms for the bathroom or food.
I hadn't done much that day but sob.
I was blasting music so Victoria didn't hear much but I'm pretty sure we both needed the distance from the world that day.
all winter break I stayed in Monaco,Victoria and Lewis had gone on a ski trip in the middle of January for two weeks,vic begged me to join but I wasn't feeling it plus they could use that alone time since next season they aren't allowed to be near each other.
I think most people know their together,I mean they haven't made a public announcement but it's not hidden.
private yes,hidden no.

I spent most my days reading and writing,not coming out of my room.
I had also got a simulator installed in my room,practising everyday to achieve my goals.
I wasn't going to give up on this dream.
My times got faster and faster.
My reflexes better.
There was a couple of team meetings over the phone which I had attended.nothing important just key dates and information.
Zak had invited me and Victoria to go to the welcome party in the uk.it's some annual thing they do before the pre-testing every year on February 23rd 2024.

I tried staying off the media once the news of me driving for McLaren had been released,however it's not that easy.
I had seen that lando was Back in Monaco for the winter break. Stalking his socials probably isn't my biggest accomplishment but I did.

Charles had called me that night. The night me and lando had that moment.
I had congratulated him on his position and he had called to make sure I was safe.
That call went on for an hour or two before we decided to just head out and get a coffee.
"Pick you up in 10." He had said to me before he hung up. I got up and rolled out of bed my makeup was some what intact and I couldn't of really cared less, I mean it's Charles this man has seen me through everything.I brushed my hair through and i didn't get changed,i was wearing a black romper and then I quickly threw my fast and furious oversized shirt over my head,so I was wearing less cold in the winter air.
I put my McLaren cap on top of my head to at-least look half presentable and then slipped into my converse.

By the time i was done Charles had messaged me saying he was outside.
the winter breeze of the night passing by me as I existed the hotel,Las Vegas lights hitting me brighter than ever.

Charles got out of the car,some paparazzi around,not enough to engrave a headache.
He grabbed me by the hand,helping me down the last couple steps before I stood before him.
His blue eyes looking down at me,gleaming of joy.his hair lying there,over his forehead so easily. The beige jumpsuit he was wearing,making his eyes pop but the glasses that were laying on the bridge of his nose reflecting my mere reflection back at me.
"oh hey Charles," I breathe out,
"wasn't expecting you here"I say after,as we made our way to his car.
now both of us laughing at my "incredible" joke.
oh my.
I don't think I have met anyone more..Charles.
"So did you get this flown out here too or just rent the exact same one?"i say as he opens the door for me,catching me by surprise,sliding my body into the passenger seat.
"Why?can't you remember my number plate?"he says pretending to be offended with a smile spread wide across his face as he closed my door for me.
of course I remembered his number plate.
It was the one I looked for ever since I moved to Monaco. The one i looked for in every car even remotely similar to his.

"of course I do Charles" I say as he hops into the seat next to mine,watching him turn the engine on.watching the way his hand moved,the way his body relaxed,the way his hand reached the gear stick.

watching him.

"where are we going?" I ask Charles,while he drives us through the streets of vegas. The city still full of life at an hour like this.
I think it was around one am when I left the hotel,neither of being able to sleep.
"McDonald's"he says turning to face me,that same smile still plastered on his face as if it never left.
I lie my body back against the warm leather seat.facing forward I look into the road in front of us,and then my gaze finds Charles.
I've missed this.
I missed spending time with my bestfriend,the love of my life and most importantly my person.

"two large vanilla milkshakes" he speaks to the lady through the speaker.
"you remembered."I muttered as he turns back around to face me,our eyes speaking for them selves.
"Charles I'll pay." I state to him,shoving my card into his face.
"Amelia."he says with a semi-serious face.
"Charles I'm paying" I try to set my ground here as I wrinkle my face.
Charles grabs the hand with the card and placed it on my thigh.
Holding it there as he pays for our drinks.
not letting go until his other arm arrives back in the car.
His touch lingering on my bare thigh.

Our eyes meet after that.
Holding eye contact,both of us smiling,his eyes almost pouring of happiness.

that night was so special.
me and Charles had head up to a cliff(which was hanging over the city)a beautiful view may I add.
we talked..a lot.
He mentioned how he finished therapy and how much happier he is now.where as I told him about my dad..

" dear Amelia,
I will never forgive myself for what I put you through that night,there is not one second that I do not hate myself for hurting you, I am sorry Amelia.I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me for that.
I will forever wish we do this again amor xx

- charles"

The letter I had received the next morning under my door. A tear rolled down my cheek as I sat their on my bed,the letter in one hand as the other covered my mouth as I sat there crying. I shouldn't feel sorry for him but after yesterday.
I forgave charles a long time ago.
My heart forgave him that same night I left him. He was hurt and broken and I was there.
I have always been there for him.
I am so proud of the man charles has become. A man who is nothing but kind to every soul he meets,no matter how rude they may be,every word that comes out of his mouth has so much passion and meaning behind it.the smile on his face is so contagious you could be on the floor smiling till the earth stopped spinning.

yesterday,charles listend to me,he let me talk about my day,he made me laugh.
right there and then as we both sat there staring at each other as the stars above us talked about our future,whispering between one another.
was there a future for us?
he made my heart beat uncontrollably as if it were to break through the thick layers and jump out of my chest. The family of butterflies hurdling my stomach as I shiver in the cold.
shivering in his lap.
As I lied there looking up into his eyes as he played with my hair.
I forgave him,nothing else mattered but the fact that I was with him.
the war in me had finally ended.

i am finally at peace.

the end...