Mafia's Ex Wife

Chapter Nine

Elisabeth

I'm not a soft person.

Years bouncing between abusive foster homes, living on the streets of New York City, and then falling in love with one of Boston's most fearsome crime bosses will do that to you. I learned early on how to put up my protective walls and dissociate, and I've only gotten better at it. There isn't much that can break me or rattle me, and I take pride in that.

But if there's one thing that will do it, one thing that shakes me right to my core, it's silence.

And maybe because that the thing that terrifies me the most is being alone with my own thoughts. When there isn't the busyness and noise to drown them out, they're all I've got. Memories I've fought like hell to keep away. Feelings I've shoved down so far that I pretend they don't exist. Things I did. Things I didn't do. Lies and promises and moments that slice deeper than any blade ever could. Silence leaves space for all of those to come creeping back in.

Mike doesn't say a word in the car as we drive home. He sets his eyes forward, hands firmly on the steering wheel, every muscle rigid and hard. It's a face he puts on as the tough politician, but never with me. Never until now.

"Are you going to say anything?" My voice breaks, nerves getting the best of me as we wind through the streets of our neighborhood.

Nothing.

Silence.

"I know you're mad, Mike, and I'm sorry I didn't..."

"I'm not mad." He cuts me off, chewing on his lip. He still won't look at me, but the sound of his voice gives me a moment of relief. "I just... I'm trying to figure out why you felt like you had to lie to me about seeing Jax today. I know there's got to be a logical reason, but I've been wracking my brain for hours trying to come up with one, but all I can think is that things aren't as settled between you two as you want me to think."

"Mike, I swear, there is nothing going on between Jax and I." Tears pool in my eyes. "He just... we... It's complicated."

He lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. "No, Elizabeth. It's not all that complicated. When your ex husband shows up in the middle of the night at our house, then again at your bakery today, and then again at my work event, it's not complicated at all to tell me the truth if there is nothing going on between the two of you."

"It's not like that." A tear trickles down my cheek as we pull into the garage.

"Then tell me what it is like. Tell me why he's suddenly hanging around again."

"Mike, I..." I trail off. I want to explain it all to him, but for some reason, I can't. I can't bring myself to dive into that world with him. It's a part of myself that I've kept hidden for so long that I can't even imagine bringing her back out into the light. Mike thinks I'm a completely different person, and selfishly, I want it to stay that way. It feels like crossing a line I'll never come back from. Instead of telling him about Emily and about Jax, I press my lips together, wiping tears off of my cheek.

"That's what I thought." Mike swallows, turning the car off and going inside without another word.

God, what is wrong with me? Why can't I ever just let him in?

After a few minutes, I follow him inside. Mike is nowhere to be found, so I pay Heather and say goodnight, heading up to our room. Slipping out of my dress, I put my pajamas on and brush out my hair.

My relationship with Mike is changing, and I can feel it. For so long, he's been my rock, my stability, my person. Jax is back for mere hours and that foundation I've worked so hard for with Mike is cracking, and if I don't make some changes soon, it's going to crumble. Maybe the key to keeping everything together is letting go of just enough.