stars and whispers // minsung

Chapter Twenty One

“What?” Jisung whispered, his fingers starting to shake.

What does he know? How?

One of his biggest fears was people finding out.

He was sure that it would make him lose all his friends, that it would make of him a weirdo... Again.

Minho frowned, he was getting angry.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked in a firm, almost aggressive tone.

“This is not about you.” Bang Chan replied in an even firmer way, glancing at the other.

“What do you want to know?” Jisung asked in a soft voice, ignoring the olders' argument.

Chan looked at Jisung deep in the eyes and the single fact that their eyes were meeting made Jisung immediately tear up.

“Just say it. What do you want to know?” he asked again in a shaky voice, ignoring his tears starting to fall.

Bang Chan’s eyes.

Deep, considerate and meaningful eyes.

That's what it was.

Without a word, Chan wrapped Han in a tight hug.

The younger started crying like a five year old kid in the arms of the older one, covering his face in embarrassment.

Minho looked away in silence and a few minutes were like that until Jisung finally pulled away, breathing shakily.

The first thing he did was slap him on the chest from despair even if he didn’t have any strength at this point.

“ Just tell me what you know already!!” he whimpered, crying more and more.

Chan let him slap him all he wanted, looking at him with those same eyes.

Oh, Hannie...

Dear Hannie, what did they did to you?

“Who told you?!” Han yelled, letting himself drop on the floor, covering his eyes in the process and breathing heavily.

Minho immediately got up, trying to help him up but Chan stopped him and shook his head.

Bang Chan then kneeled down and took the Han's face with his own hand.

“Hannie… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you to tell me. I was just worried and wanted to know immediately if you were okay... But I’m sorry, I didn’t do it the right way, ” he apologized
in a soft voice.

“I don’t care,” Han muttered. “Just please tell me who told you and why…”

“No one told me. I…” Chan sighed, “I was worried about Seungmin a long time ago and checked his diary like an idiot and I read a part by accident and I... I am so sorry Han. So sorry.”

The moon reflected in Han’s eyes, making them shine even brighter.

“Do you want me to leave?” Chan asked.

Jisung stayed silent and looked at Minho, searching for an opinion.

For help.

Minho smiled softly even if he was feeling overwhelmed and nervous. “Whatever you decide, we will be both okay with it. I can leave too. "

There were some seconds of total silence.

The moon and the stars were observing them with attention, looking at every move.

Han looked at both of them and rubbed his eyes, slowly calming down.

“Actually… Please stay," he asked in a whisper.

Chan softly smiled and nodded, getting up and helping Jisung to do so.

He sat on the large chair with Minho and looked at him.

“I'll whisper, alright?" Jisung asked, looking at the moon.

They both nodded.

He took a deep breath and laid down on the chair, looking at the stars.

“I’m not ready to tell everything, but I think that I should explain the part where I tried to take my life away... Right?”

He took a pause and turned his head to look at his friends.

They were looking at him with concerned looks but he sti smiled at them a little.

With only that, he made both of them smile brightly and nod for him to keep going.

“Life started to break when I turned twelve. My parents are politicians and their game wasn’t doing so well at that time and all of their frustration ended up being communicated to me.”

Han took a shaky breath, not really sure about what he was going to say.

“My dad used to beat me up every day. Luckily, he didn’t do it to my mother. I loved them so much even though I had been adopted to help their public image. I-I don’t
even know how it all happened but I started hating myself. I haven't opened my diary in a while but if someone does, it says how I talked about myself and, well, how I
talked about killing myself.”

Minho felt a wave of culpability, remembering the day that he read it.

“Eventually, that day happened.”

Jisung turned to look at them, kind of apologizing because of what he had just said.

Bang Chan was listening closely, clenching his fists.

“Anyway, the doctor that found out about my anorexia nervosa, self-harm scars and stuff... was Minho’s dad.”

“Anorexia nervosa?” Chan asked, looking at Minho.

Minho knew that Han wasn’t going to talk about it so he did it for him. “It’s an eating disorder,” he said before searching for his approval.

The younger boy nodded for him to keep talking.

“People with it tend to avoid food. It comes followed by body dysmorphia since that's the principal reason why they do it. There are two types of it, the restrictive subtype and the binge-purge one.”

Chan looked at Han, remembering how many times he let him not eat anything.

“What’s the difference?”

“The restrictive one is just the restriction of consumed food, not that severe. Ji has the binge-purge subtype. The worst one.”

“It’s okay Jisung…” Chan whispered, looking at Han that was biting his lips and turning around.

“The binge-purge subtype is when they have purging episodes. Basically, they don't eat for a large amount of time and suddenly one day eat a lot in a really short one...minutes. After that, what happens is that they vomit to get rid of what they ate.”

Bang Chan stayed silent for a few seconds. “But… How can that be treated?”

“An eating disorder starts being a psychological thing that gets treated with therapy. But this makes your body used to rejecting the food that you ate, so once it’s used to it you’ll need a whole different treatment.”

Minho explained, looking at Jisung’s hair.

Like if his gaze had called him, Jisung turned around with a little smile. “You know a lot, ” he whispered, admiring him.

“I do.” Minho whispered back, softly smiling.

Chan got up. “Sorry. I shouldn’t be listening to all of this, it’s late and Iitey but in. We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?”

Jisung nodded and Bang Chan hugged him tightly. “Good night, I love you.” he whispered.

“I love you more…” Han replied, slightly blushing.

Once Chan was gone, Minho and Jisung went back to their room in silence.

“You both love each other then.” Minho noticed after a few seconds of silence.

“Well, I love you more, honestly.”