Multifandom Alphabet Letter Prompts X Male!Reader

My Immortal

Type: Angst
Pairings: BuckyBarnesxMale!Reader
Prompt: Alphabet Letter Prompt M- My Immortal
Notes: Song lyrics are bold, thoughts/flashbacks are italic, normal text is normal, and the letter is italic and bold.
Warnings: Mentions of depression, self-harm, death, and blood. ⚠️IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE SKIP!!!⚠️

M/n POV:
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Fear. Anger. Pain. That was all he felt in those moments. He knew that he was the one who started pushing Bucky away, but Bucky ended things, so why couldn't he just leave?

M/n had never had someone care. He never had someone love him, or someone that he loved so intensely. It scared him. So he pushed it away. Bucky had noticed, and when nothing changed he ended things. But he couldn't just leave, no. Life was never that kind to M/n.

So Bucky kept stopping by, to 'check in on him'. But it hurt. Seeing him all the time. It was killing M/n to know that he had fucked everything up. That he pushed him away. So he snapped.

"Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone!" M/n screamed at the avenger, pain and anger clouding his vision, and his judgement. "Excuse me?" Bucky was taken aback by the outburst, confused. "You ended things! You broke up with me, so why can't you just fucking leave!?" Bucky felt anger bubble up in his chest. "You were the one who fucking pushed me out! What did I ever do to you!?" Their voices raised in the small apartment, but neither cared, too caught up to be mindful of the neighbors.

"You didn't do anything, Bucky. I was the problem, ok? I was scared shitless! But you not leaving fucking hurts because it reminds me every day of how much I fucked up!" Bucky was pissed. "I'm hurting you!? I'm fucking hurting you!? Do you know how fucking hard it was to open up to you after all the shit I've been through! How hard it was to allow myself to fall for you!! And after all the shit you put me through the last year, I'm still here! God, I wish I never fucking loved you in the first place!"

That. That stung. M/n felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Bucky realised what he had said when he saw the e/c eyes he had once taken comfort in, brimming with tears.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

"Get out." The taller/shorter man whispered, not quite trusting his voice. But Bucky heard him. The other man took a shaky breath, turning to leave. He paused at the door, glancing back at the man he still desperately loved. "Go. Please." Bucky nodded and silently left, closing the door behind him.

M/n allowed his walls to fully go down as he heard the door click shut, sinking to his knees, sobbing as the words echoed through his head. I wish I never fucking loved you in the first place! It hurt, but he couldn't stop himself from replying to the empty room. "So do I. Then you never would've been hurt."

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

M/n's dreams were painful memories. Memories he wished he could live in forever. The way he'd hold Bucky when he woke up from a nightmare. How he'd gently cup his face, Bucky's stubble lightly scratching his hand, as he'd wipe the tears from the beautiful blue eyes he loved. The times where he had sat and reassured Bucky about how he deserved love, how his past wasn't his fault. The way they'd sit in silence and stare at the stars on the balcony, hands clasped together tightly, as if one of them would disappear. Never talking, just being.