You're On Your Own Kid

The Moment I Knew

01/10/2023

[Taylor's pov]

"Pink or Purple?" I hold up two card-stock papers in the paint section of some hardware store in the middle of nowhere, so that no one will disrupt us. Lottie has decided, since we had entertained the idea of doing room makeovers, that her room will be light blue with sparkles. I have no idea how we are going to do that but right now we are trying to get the little girl who hasn't talked to me in 4 days to decide what color her room will be. I have told her a billion times that it could be anything she wanted, she seemed a little excited at the idea of getting her own space but other than that she hasn't displayed any emotion over the past week. "Both it is!" I say and throw the papers in the cart, that was also holding a 4 year old who was looking on my phone for birthday gifts she wants. I'm trying to focus on getting her to not fall over the edge when I see a little hand holding a piece of paper in the corner of my eye.

"This one." She whispers as she hands me a light yellow paper and looks into my eyes with hope. She isn't not talking because she scared, its obvious. You can see in her eyes that she feels safe, she just doesn't want to talk, and that is perfectly okay. I want her to feel safe and be happy.

"I love that color, do you want to get more than one." I say as I put the purple and pink back, watching her shake her head and look at the phone, seeing what toys her sister was looking at.

"She's looking at instagram again." Ette says as she grabs that phone out of her sisters hands.

"Hey, I was lookin at dat." Lottie whines as tears start to well up in her eyes. I switch a youtube video on and hand her back the phone before I push the cart towards the cash register. 

"Okay girls, what do we want for dinner tonight?" I say looking at Ette hoping she will say something, but before she even got a second to think, I hear smaller voice yell.

"PIZZA!" 

"Alright, I think we can do that." I say, smiling at the girls and putting the now filled and colored paint cans on the counter so we could get out of there.

-

[A few hours later that same day]

"Ette, can you come here for a second honey?" I say as I shut the door to Lotties room after putting her down for her nap. I've decided that I need to know what is up with Ette, I need to make sure she is happy and that nothing in seriously wrong with her. "Okay honey, I just wanna talk and make sure you're okay." I say sitting down on the couch as she takes her seat on the chair next to me. 

"Nothing is wrong." She says looking at her feet as she swings her legs.

"Then why haven't you been talking honey." I say grabbing her hand at pull her attention towards me.

"You're busy, with Lottie." She finally admits, looking up at me, her eyes filled with sadness, like the thought something horrible was going to happen because she just said that. 

Shit.

I can't believe I did this. I can't believe that I was worried so much about making sure that Lottie could rely on me like she did her sister, that I didn't make sure the person who had been taking care of her for the past 3 years was doing alright. Both of this girls parents are dead, they had been ripped from her tiny little hands, and now I had promised her to take care of her and ruined it. She doesn't think I can take care of her.

Shit. 

"Honey, I am never ever going to be too busy for you. Your sister is more work than you, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to help you too." I say picking her up and sitting her in my lap, holding onto her as tight as possible without squeezing her to death. "I am so sorry honey." I say, thinking back on the times that I should've paid more attention to her.

"It's okay, you are gonna fix it. You can fix it." She says with a wide smile, laying her head in my neck.

"I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I have time for both of you, that sound good?" I say looking at her with a smile. She nods, but we stay here, holding each other and keeping each other safe. 

- 

[That night, around 5]

"Thank you so much Gracie." I say into my phone, watching the girls, playing with their dolls and listening to music. Our bags are packed and we have a hotel ready for us about 2 hours away, Gracie is on her way and we are ready to get out of here. "Lots, come here love." I say holding my arms out as the little girls runs over to me, I pick her up and place here on the dinning room table that I was sitting at. "So, me and Colette are gonna stay the night at a hotel tonight, but Gracie is gonna be here to watch you." I say, hopping she doesn't start sobbing. Ette needs this, bad. She needs some time with me, for her to be herself without worrying about Lottie.

"You come back later?" She says, lip pouting, already about to cry. 

"Yeah, we will be back before dinner tomorrow." I say rubbing her back, trying to get her not to scream. She might almost be 5 but she can control her emotions almost as well as a 2 year old. My sensitive girl. "And you are going to have a blast with Gracie." I whisper in her ear, still trying to make it seem super cool that she gets to miss out on our little trip. That seems to do it.

"Okay!" She says and jumps out of the chair right as Gracie walks through the front door. Both girls running up to her, well, mostly. Colette spends most of her time without her leg on and using Willow as a crutch, I have no problem with it either way but she seems to find her leg uncomfortable. We have an appointment coming up in a few days to hopefully fix whatever the problem is.

"Where are my favorite girls?" Gracie says as she gets attacked in hugs, falling to the floor when Willow jumps on top of her. She has been my saving grace since the girls have been in my house, helping get groceries, watch them while I get work done, but she's never had to get Lottie ready for bed. I'm praying for her right now.

"Ette, go get your iPad, we are going." I say, grabbing her leg and going to put it in the car, I'm not gonna make her wear it for the 2 hour long car ride. We get in the car and head off, only stopping a few times because Ette was asleep most of the way, I told her to sleep so we can stay up late and hang out tonight. I think that us staying up late, doing each others nails and watching movies, and I will do anything I can to make sure she gets that.

-

A/N 

Let me know what our girls should do on their little getaway.

ONE SLEEP TILL 1989!!!!! 

you can all expect a few chapters on this book and my other one while we wait :)