My MC partner |Jungwon|

˚₊‧୨ 𝑴𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ୧‧₊˚

During the U.S. tour

Dear Joowon,

I hope you will forgive me one day. I hope one day I could tell you the real reason why I did what I did. I love you too, Joowon. I wanted to tell you that, but I knew that the moment those words left my mouth you would gain hope in us and I needed you to think that there was no other option but to say goodbye.

The social media reputation management team contacted me just the day after our concerts in Tokyo ended. "You should quit being so close to her." They said. "It will help prevent any smile or look you may share or any other type of interaction from being taken out of context." I wanted to speak back, to say no, to say that it certainly wasn't necessary, but when they told me: "You know what's the right thing to do." I knew there was nothing more to say. That was their way of saying "You must do as we say so".

When you walked away I swear that for a moment I thought about running to you and tell you that in reality every word I said that hurt you wasn't my truth. Fear crept into my mind about what could happen if the bad comments kept increasing so I thought: "I should listen to them. They are the experts, right?" Trust me when I tell you that if none of that had mattered, I would have hold you tightly and whisper to your ear to stay with me forever.

I wish I could go back in time to when everything was fine. To when everything was only ours. To when you would rest your head on my shoulder and fall asleep. To when we would talk about our day or about ourselves after finishing rehearsing a script. To when we would have dinner together late at night after finishing practice. To when you would play with my hair to ease my mind or just to tease me knowing that in secret I love it when you do that. I miss you like crazy, Joowon.

Now the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm on stage performing. I give it my all because I love my fans and I love what I do. You are always telling me how well I perform or how good I am at this or that, remember? I'm sorry I failed to be that good to you.

I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love you. You are the most beautiful and lovely person I've ever met. Trust me when I tell you that every day I think of you. I think of your heartwarming smile and how happy you get when drinking grape juice. Please know that I don't regret every second I spent with you, I treasure them.

These days I've had a hard time sleeping. I stay awake playing back the scene of us in that hallway at the after party. I'm sorry I told you that you looked beautiful right before what came after. I didn't want to give you the wrong impression and certainly my intention was never to play with your feelings. I just wanted to let you know that you had absolutely mesmerized me. You always do.

Now, without noticing it I sometimes find myself looking for my phone to call you but then again I remember that I can't. That I shouldn't... If it makes any difference, I can't help but wonder all the time if with what I told you I avoided a bad outcome or if I simply lost the love of my life.

My members try to cheer me up but there is no use, no matter what I do it's like every single thing leads me back to you... The other day when we were packing our bags to leave for another city, I came across the Polaroid picture we took together the night at the hotel in Japan. It was at the bottom of my bag. I remember putting it there so no one could see it. It is my little treasure.

You wrote at the back of it: "My 원 and only mine." The moment I read it, the memory of that night began to fill my mind. While you were writing it, you explained to me the two meanings of the phrase:
1.- It is allusive to the famous phrase "my one and only" but written with the syllable that we share in our names.
2.- The word "Mine" gives the phrase another meaning, that your heart is only mine and mine is only yours. It means that we belong... together.

I still remember how at some point during our conversation you tied your hair up. I was marveled just by watching you do it and even more when you noticed me looking your way because that made you nervous. You smiled adorably and asked, "What?" And I said: "Nothing" while everything was lighting up in my head. And so I understood that just staring at you was enough to make me happy.

You have the right to be upset but please don't hate me forever. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Perhaps in the future if things are different we could be together freely to show how much we feel for the other but until then, thank you for liking me. Know that no matter what, I will always love you like I did from the beginning.

Yours always,
Jungwon

⋅ ── ⋆⋅୨୧⋅⋆ ── ⋅

A/n: Surprise! Just casually publishing another special chapter after a while. By the way, just to clarify, this is what goes through Jungwon's mind during his time away but I wrote it as if it were a letter because that way it shows how much he would like to tell her this. This "letter" was never written to be actually sent.

Have a wonderful day everyone! ♡