My MC partner |Jungwon|

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒𝟓: 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨𝐨

Jungwon's POV

Every time before I go to bed, she is my last thought. For the past few weeks I have been trying to think of what and how to express my apology to her, but it took me so long to do so that now she doesn't want to see me anymore... I guess she must have grown tired of my indecision.

I can't help but think that I was a bit selfish by turning to her just like that. I agreed to meet her secretly again because I wanted to spent time by her side but mostly I really needed her. However, now I realized that I was hurting her unintentionally. I didn't dare to bring the topic up because I was scared of how she would react, without knowing that that was exactly what was on her mind all the time.

At first she took the time to give me excuses but until a couple of days ago she doesn't even answer my phone calls. I don't blame her, but that doesn't mean I'll stop insisting, on the contrary, she has to hear that I love her. I won't give up. She has to know that I am willing to go against any stupid prohibition to be with her because that is how much I want her back with me.

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A few days ago we were in Japan for the Music Bank Global Festival and like in all shows of that kind, we all were in a rush backstage. Everyone was busy getting their makeup done, or making sure their microphones were in place while going through all the dance moves on their heads of the different choreographies each group had prepared for their performance.

A very special moment was when every group went on stage to sing all together while waving goodbye to the audience. We sang Permission to dance by BTS sunbaenim and I could tell we all enjoyed it very much. They are truly such legends, so I'm very glad that we are able to still pay them tribute by singing their songs in events like this.

While everyone was taking their places on stage Joowon walked pass by me and our eyes met, it was just for an instant but it was enough to make everything else vanished, the cheering of the crowd and the existence of the rest of the people around us. I was just happy to have her finally looking at me. Seeing me.

Event though it happened in a flash I think I saw the glimpse of a smile appearing in her face when she acknowledged my gaze. She was holding hands with one of her members and when I noticed it I became a little sad. I think I was just disappointed that I couldn't do that and certainly not in front of a crowd or show her any kind of affection.

I remember that as I started to spend more time with her everything became so strange to me. It was the very first time I felt like this. At the beginning I didn't like it and I was quite confused because I was the one with a restless mind trying to figure out what was happening to me while she was just there beside me, looking fascinatingly beautiful.

I don't like how things ended between us the other day, so I really need to talk to her. I must make things right. I tried to contact her in anyway possible but it was useless, so now more than ever I'm glad about the fact that most of the time we spent it in the same building meaning that she can't avoid me for too long.

However, I had to still ask for help. I asked Jake to arrange a meeting with Joowon, telling her that he needed to tell her something very important. Therefore once it was time, I went to see her. Even if she doesn't want to talk to me, I will have to at least make her listen to me. I am determined, I won't lose her and if that means disobeying I'll gladly do it twice.

It's just that... I have so much love for her and it drives me crazy the fact that she doesn't want it, she wouldn't even let me ask her to have it and I can't keep it to myself because it's not for me, it's only for her to have. So, I can't simply give it to anyone or anything else. I can't keep living like this, she must have it.