If love could win

The stables

We trained for an indoor competition against the other school team. I regretted it from the minute I made it on the team. What was I doing this for? Grades? I hated it. The other boys would blame me if we did not win. I already knew that. Wille could get away with having cheated. Hell. He was fit and I bet he worked out over the Christmas break too. I had played video games with Ayoub and Rosh. Ate too many iced chocolates. I did not work out. Now I was paying for that. We ran back and forth and did different things Vincent ordered us to do. I did not understand how he became the team captain. August had been the captain before. Vincent was possibly worse than August. Well, if you did not consider that August actually ruined my life. I hated him. Fantasised about revenge.

"Faster," Vincent screamed. "And where the fuck is August?"

"Maybe it is a protest," Wille replied.

"A protest of what?" Vincent asked.

"That you are team captain now," he replied.

"Unbelievable. Do I need to punish third years as well? This competition is important," Vincent said. I frankly did not care. As usual I took my time in the locker room to avoid the others. I did not want to be in the showers when others were around. It felt like someone might take a photo and leak it. I did not trust them. August was the one who released the tape, after all. And I did not feel like having Wille's eyes on me. I knew he was angry. Sad. He looked like I had stabbed him in the back, when the only thing was protecting my heart. When I got out of the showers I was alone. Just like I wanted. I got dressed and went to class. I had texted Rosh and asked if she could help me workout for rowing. She was the fittest person I knew, so she must know how to help. Before I went into the classroom for English class she had told me to be on the football field. I also got a few texts from Marcus, whom I had ignored after we watched that movie. It felt like he liked me for real. And I did not have feelings for him like that. It felt wrong to be with him, when I loved someone else. After school I went down to the football field where I met Rosh and Ayoub. Rosh and I did some exercises and she encouraged me to go faster.

"I don't have energy to do this anymore. I am sorry," I said, when we had been working out for a while. It was snowing again.

"Come on. You told me you needed to work out for rowing and now you are just giving up?" she asked.

"I know," I replied.

"Why do you even care about rowing?" Ayoub asked.

"I have told you I need it for my grades. You can only get an A if you compete for the school teams," I said.

"So it is not a way to stay close to Wille?" Rosh asked. "It feels like you have a hard time staying away from him, you know."

"It is not for Wille," I said. "It is actually really hard being around him."

"So rebound with Marcus then?" Ayoub suggested. "He asked about you in the cafeteria at school today. You had not answered his texts."

"I know. But it feels like he really likes me," I said.

"And you don't like him or what?" Rosh asked.

"No, or well I don't know. He is nice and handsome, but I don't feel anything for him," I said. "I am still in love with Wille. I know it is probably stupid, but I still have feelings for him. Is it really fair to start something new with him if I still have feelings for Wille?"

"Well make it very clear that is just fooling around and nothing serious then? Making out and hooking up with random people was my way of getting over Yasmina," Rosh said.

"And it might not be the way to get over Wille. I don't even know if I want to get over him," I said.

"You did not learn the first time? That boy left you the moment it got even a bit uncomfortable being queer," she said. "If he is going to deserve you he needs to be honest with you."