As It Should Have Been

Dark Beginnings

Remus Lupin was wet. Pretty self-explanatory, as he was currently kneeling in a puddle, but the young man didn't seem to mind. His jumper soaked. His already ripped trousers muddy. His sandy hair falling in front of his scarred face, streaming water. His head was tilted down. He was crying. Sobbing. In the distance, cheers sounded. Magic fireworks were sent into the sky. Owls carrying letters filled with unbelieving joy. But Remus was not sharing the sentiment of his peers. Because Remus was kneeling in the snow in front of the ruins of what once was a place filled with joy and love. Now, looking upon the broken walls, the fallen roof, it was a stark reminder of what he had lost. His brother and sister in everything but blood. His best friend, murdered by who he thought was the love of his life. Remus had spent years of his childhood believing he was alone. He wanted to scream at his younger self, because that naïve little boy had no idea what loneliness truly was. Loneliness was knowing that everyone he loved and ever cared for was dead in the ground or dead inside the soul, deep inside an inescapable prison.

The house he was kneeling in front was the house of Lily and James Potter, his best friends since childhood. A prophecy meant that Voldemort, the worst dark wizard in magical history, was on the hunt for their young son Harry. Just a month ago, he had been drinking tea with Lily in the cozy kitchen, Harry ramming into every counter on his toy broom, James looking both concerned for his sons safety, and amused on seeing a toddler in bright red pyjamas clumsily sitting on a broom gifted to him by his godfather. Now, the kitchen is destroyed by rubble that crashed into it from the top floor, the parents somewhere in St Mungo's, bodies being prepared for a funeral, the child taken away the night before donning a new scar and the Godfather? Well, Remus really doesn't want to think about him.

He had been on a mission for the order. Spying on yet another pack of werewolves, Dumbledore suspected to be under the control of Voldemort. It was gruesome work. This particular pack was one he had visited quite a few times and every time was as bad as the last. The gashes in his side were still seeping through the bandages, his wrist still bloody. He had only returned from the mission this very morning, a message from Dumbledore telling him to immediately see him at Hogwarts. It was there, in the castle holding his happiest memories that he received the worst news of his life.

Professor McGonagall, a tall stern looking woman who had been his teacher at Hogwarts had greeted him at the entrance. Her eyes were red with tears, and she had enveloped him in a tight hug, something quite unusual for her to do. His thoughts had started racing. Too many times in the last months had someone brought him bad news. Marlene. Dorcas. Gideon and Fabian. In his 21 years, Remus had lost more friends, than anyone should lose in a life time. His thoughts went straight to Lily. His best friend. Over the years, she had become as close as a sister. James. His incredibly protective friend. He had always cared for Remus, like a brother would. Peter. The boy who Remus had grown to care about so deeply. His clumsy and innocent nature making him into a little brother for Remus to protect from harm. Sirius. Oh, Sirius. He was a force in nature. A hurricane in Remus' life. They had shared a long and complicated love. The last few months hadn't been easy. Long missions causing tension and distrust in both parties. But Remus couldn't imagine him being dead. He refused. They were meant to work out their problems. After all, Lily and James' relationship hadn't always been perfect either and yet they were one of the strongest couples Remus had ever encountered.

The thoughts were rattling through Remus' brain as he was following a solemn looking McGonagall through the halls of Hogwarts. The students around him didn't seem to share her sadness though. Many were smiling. Some were, to Remus' wonder, hugging each other crying. He recognised some of the faces, his own time at Hogwarts being not far enough in the past for all the younger years to have graduated. That girl over there, the one crying with a mixture of happiness and sadness on her face had been on the quidditch team alongside James and Sirius in their last year.