Four Hearts Intertwined

Chapter 6: Who Unfolds Me

Daniel Wong couldn't believe that Samuel died. His thoughts were bewildered. He sat at his computer desk, opened his laptop, and inserted Leila's USB. He was at first hesitant to play the voice recording as his emotions and thoughts collided, putting him on the verge of breaking apart. His right hand trembles as he reaches and presses the button "enter." The first noise he heard was Samuel's painful cry. He could feel the eerie sound in his bones, that painful moan of Samuel as he grasped his breath, sobbing. But what made Daniel feel the most pain was Samuel's confession to him. It was a confession of a long-lost love. He clenched his fist as it shivered on his rested lap. His body feels the tingling sensation of remorse and shame.

Recording Play -

"...Dan-dan... whenever we mock around as you thought we were both playboys, but I wasn't. I followed you behind when I saw how you lust yourself with different women. Sometimes I wish I was a woman; maybe, one day, you will look up to me and choose me. But then, I came to realize that this is what I am. This is my sexuality, I want Dan-dan to feel my love, but no matter how much I showed it to you, you were cold and chose to leave me behind. Yet, you always come around and meet me on the weekend and watch the stars on the rooftop as we both reminisce our childhood memories. I always keep the weekend as a date for us because it makes me feel that at least you chose to be with me, and I am happy with it. [He was crying on the recording, in a miserable tone] With all my heart, I have given my trust to you that you will be there for me when I need you. I'm sorry I was so dependent and clingy on you because that's all I can do - for you to turn your way back to me, see me, and be with me. But I guess it will never happen. I'm sorry, I am really sorry... Goodbye... Dan-dan..." The recording stopped.

As he heard Samuel say, "Dan-dan," everything had fallen apart, and too late for him to realize the painful truth. "Dan-dan" is the code name they used to call each other when they were kids but later faded as they grew older. That moment, that word finally broke the hollow shell in his heart. Tears dripped from his eyes. His heart shattered into broken glasses as his ego crashed down to conscience. If only he could turn back time to see him once again, to hold him once again, and to need him one more time, it could be the other way around, BUT it's too late. He cannot revive Samuel back. He's gone and will never come back.

The only thing that is left is their fruitful memories of childhood. The laughter they have shared is playing by the lake. The weekend is gazing at the stars in the dark sky as they exchange sweet smiles with one another to end the night. The phone calls and the voice of Samuel that he will never come to hear again. All the emotions went out of him as he clenched his fist on his lap with unending tears in the dim light of his bedroom.

He drank all the alcohol that he could find in his fridge and cupboards. He Sat on the floor, leaning on the front skirt of the couch as his legs rested flat on the floor, on his shirt and sweatpants. Drinking that there is no tomorrow. He crumpled every empty can and threw it in tears anywhere in the living room. The guilt he felt was unbearable. He was unprepared to accept that Samuel, his only childhood friend, could no longer be there for him.

All he could say to himself was, "Why?" – "Why Samuel?" — "It should have been me."

"I'm the sinner, so why let Samuel die?! It's because of me! I have taken him for granted all this time!!"

He stood up and wobbled himself reaching the fridge handle to drink more, but none was left. He was drunk, yet he left the apartment to get more cans of alcohol. It was almost midnight. He got inside the elevator and barely saw the car operating panel. He fell on the floor and lost consciousness due to intoxication. When it reached the ground floor and opened, Yna saw him unconscious, lying on the floor. She was returning after throwing her garbage into the allocated rubbish bin. She recognized him. She tried to wake him and smelled the strong alcohol from his breath as he mumbled. Yna did not know which floor he lived on. She took him to her apartment, letting him rest and sober from drinking too much.

Adan was asleep in the room. She quietly dragged Daniel from his shoulder and slowly put him on the sofa.

"Geez, this guy is super heavy. Are you an athlete or something?" Yna tapped her palms as she wiped the sweat on her forehead, looking at Daniel's face and hearing his snoring. She put on a spare blanket on him. She went back to her room and locked the door. She slides into Adan's side, wondering why he is so drunk. However, she felt the guy was harmless, so she helped him.

The following day, Adan was tapping Daniel's face as he mumbled. Daniel slowly moved to the side of the couch, where Adan stared at him closely. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Adan smiling, tilting his head from left to right. His eyes widened as he hastily moved up his body from the couch. He saw Yna's back standing cooking, something smelling like soup. He was surprised and wondered which apartment he landed on.

"You're finally awake, come and join us for breakfast," Yna said as she set the table for them.

"Adan, come to Mama." Adan walked towards her direction and looked his head back to Daniel. She lifted him, put him on the baby chair, and set his food. Adan started eating.

Daniel stands up. He could feel the heavy weight on his nape and head. He needed clarification about how he ended up in Yna's apartment. He looks awful as he sits on the chair. Yna looked at him and gave him the bowl of soup.

"It's for the hangover," Yna said.

"How did I end up here?" Daniel said, confused and feeling dizzy as he massaged his nape.

"You were unconscious in the elevator when I found you. I tried to wake you up, but you looked wasted, so I brought you to my apartment. I'm Yna, by the way, and this is my son, Adan," Yna explained and politely introduced herself as she drank her coffee.

"I'm Daniel. I'm sorry -," Daniel said, looking into the bowl of soup. His emotions start to flare up all over again, looking miserable.

Yna sensed his holding a heavy pain within him, but it was not her business to ask about her neighbor's private life.

"Hey, Daniel, right?" Yna tried to comfort him. Daniel looked hopeless, sitting on the table and not touching his food, leaning on the chair, interlocking his hands, and clutching tightly. Samuel's voice in the recording kept rewinding into his mind, and he was about to tear up—a pang of severe guilt in his heart.

"Hey..." Yna generously called him out. Daniel looked at her with teary eyes.

"I know it's not my place to ask since I barely know you. But whatever it is that you're carrying heavily, do not push yourself too hard. It takes time to heal and let go, whether it is guilt or regrets you are feeling right now; you have to be stronger and try to live on for that person." Yna said truthfully.

Daniel burst into tears. He didn't care who was in front of him. He had nobody with him anymore. All he felt was guilt, regret, and a disgrace not just to his family but to Samuel's family too. He just needed somebody to listen to his cries and pains. It's not easy to share the pain he's been through with anyone, but he feels relieved that Yna is willing to listen to the inner cause of his misery. It was the first time Daniel opened up to a neighbor he barely knew, but Yna showed him kindness with no judgment. For some people, it's unforgivable, but for Yna, we are just human beings who make mistakes, and as human beings, we are also bound to make things right for the betterment. It would not be the person we hurt and lost in this situation, but we can slowly let go as we keep moving on with our lives.

Daniel left Yna's apartment feeling a little better. He looked at the door with its apartment number so he would remember.

"If you need someone to talk to, just message me, and I am happy to hear you out." Yna's outed some words before he left, as he looked at the piece of paper with Yna's mobile number.