ugly truth » h.g

first chapter

my name's hayes — benjamin hayes grier. he grinned at the teacher then he looked at me and stared for at least, four seconds. he was cute, charming, I guess, and his eyes were like the sea, and I was desperate to drown.

I laughed, laughed bitterly at the the days when I used to write about him, when we were madly in love, or maybe, the love was all fraudulent. at times, I feel anger, but mostly, I feel sadness.

he was my everything, my life, my sun, my moon, and all my stars. he is my everything.

but then a day came and he told me I meant nothing to him, he told me he was only infatuated by me, and I told him I never loved him either. but it was all a lie. I just hope he will never realize that because I didn't want to look like a fool, like I'm desperate for attention, but I am, and that was the ugly truth and I couldn't bear with that.

as soon as I feel like crying, I immediately run to the bathroom and get my razor, I think of killing myself once again.

but then I hear him saying, whenever you encounter suicidal thoughts, call me, tell me, and I'll let you forget.

where are you now?

I need you,

I want you,

but I can never have you again.

I started crying, letting the razor fall to the ground. "you are my everything. please, come back." I breathed out. I didn't know what to do, except to cry, so I did. I covered my face with my both hands and cried harder.

was I never enough? is wanting you to love me back too much to ask for?

thoughts come rushing through my head, and I wanted them to be gone, but without them, what would I be? I'd be nothing.

it's 1AM and my mind wonders, if he never loved me, why have he stayed for long? what was all the pretending for?

but then again, maybe when we were together, he was also with another girl, someone who he truly loves.

but he was always with me.

why is love this cruel? why is love this painful?

my heart is too weak, too fragile.

everything has a reason behind, then what would be the reason to all this pain? to make me realize that I will never be worthy to love?

anything that falls, breaks, my mother told me when I was 11, and now I know what she meant by that.

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I'm such a bad person it hurts sigh but wtvr what's so bad about being bad? lmao I love blood sisters, jesse is so hot gdi and if u did not know, I quoted that from vampire academy: blood sisters aha „ sayonara!!

-xyruz