The Untold Letters

Broke

To the man that I love but I left,

First of all, I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I gave up without even fighting for us. I gave up because I felt so caged as a bird who can't have it's freedom. And I'm sorry because I left without telling you everything that I felt that time.

I know this is late but I just want to be honest with you this time. I want to tell you every emotions that I felt. The reason why I let go of you.

Do you remember when you saw a photo and asked me who is the person I'm with and why do we look so close to the point of looking like a couple? It all started there. Well, maybe.

At first I find your jealousy cute. Because it show how much you love me. But as what they say, too much is bad. So, I got tired of you being jealous to every guy that I'm with or having a small chat on my sns and I got tired of explaining things that's not worth explaining for. What can I do? When I'm close with my dudes too? You know that I grew up surrounded by guys.

But for old time's sake, I'm not flirting with anyone. I'm not a flirt. Well, maybe other people might think or say that I am. And I don't give a damn about them. Anyway, We both know that I'm not the showy type of person anymore. Because life bitched out on me. And since then, I find it hard to say sweet things. But I expressed and showed it in my way. Maybe you saw and felt it or maybe not.

I was proud of us, you know. I am. That despite of our situation, we're together. People was saying we won't last but I don't believe them. I refuse to believe because I have faith in us. In our love. They often ask me if it's not hard, I'll say sometimes but we compromise. So, it won't be too hard. I'm not saying I love you and I miss you but when I did, it only means that it's overflowing that I have to say it to you. But the reason was no words or anything can express my feelings. They were never enough. They mean nothing compare to my feelings to you. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore, right?

I know at some point that my reason is not enough. But, don't you have trust and faith in me? In my love for you?

I'm not supposed to break it off with you but you did something, which triggered me to do it.

Remember the picture messages that you sent me? Well, those did it. It was like a timebomb. One wrong cut in the wires and it's gone. And maybe the struggles that I'm having during that time didn't help too.

I know writing this won't bring back what was lost. But it might help me to stop hoping and to move on. It sounded like a hopeless romantic there. And like I was the one who got hurt. Well, I did get hurt too, I just hide it. I don't want everyone seeing me in pain. I don't want you to see me in pain. The damage I caused was enough. But I promised to be honest this time. That I will lay it all out.

Despite of everything that happened between us, I just want to say that you're the rightest thing that happened to me. I cherish every moment that we had. Every little things. And I am proud of you. Because you're slowly fulfilling your dreams. You became who you wanted to be. I know you're plans are coming true, less the plans that I'm in, of course. Nonetheless, I am happy and proud of you.

The girl you once loved,
Theia

P.S I know you won't read this.