afterglow // hyunlix

hyperventilation

Everybody loves you, but nobody knows you, Felix. A writing exercise where Felix is an actor and Hyunjin is his manager.  

Written on:  August 14, 2022 

The rain continued to pour akin to Felix's clouded thoughts that kept his head on the ground. He was trembling cold from the long flight and now walking from the boarding gate. He couldn't help it. The soft heavy breaths, the dragged slipping steps with his hands clasped together, the celebrity so loved by the world was lonely. Not even the paparazzo flashes with their small talks could conceal this, not even the fans screaming his name to welcome him home, nor the calmness of the staff and the security escorting can. He didn't feel like paying attention to anything, not a single care about stumbling down or being charged troubled him.

All he could think about was letting this afternoon pass, forgetting the hours and the reminders from the staff members who would note his schedules and upcoming press appearances. Was he exhausted from the film shootings? The interviews? The men and the women?

Absolutely not.

He loved showing himself to the world, he loved putting on a performance, he loved the thoughtful labor of being sent elsewhere to be watched. He was an actor, of course this was his job.

But who was Felix Lee without the cladded glamor of fame? Who was he behind tight closed doors? This was an enigma he had been asking himself for the last five years of his career. If the art of deception couldn't suffice, what would he be?

All he knew was that he was a doe gazed eye candy meant to please people, altering him with the intent of animating something he's not. To them, he was the boyfriend— the boy next door who will wait to kiss you until marriage.

Sometimes it would be the promiscuous foul mouthed Casanova whose body carved a wrinkled indentation at the sheets of his lovers' bed. Then finally, there's a disposable talent waiting to be wasted after the post-peak popularity. Replaceable and forgettable.

At least, everybody loves him but himself.

"Felix, wait. You're going too fast, we're still here."

It was a swift relief that his manager called him away from the ebbing doubts and tension. Felix couldn't help but turn around, noticing that the manager was holding his hand, his expression left with worry. With just this look, he was made aware that his manager knew. He wanted to reassure him but he could only offer a nod, quickly pushing his hand away. He didn't want to attract anyone's attention from this tender pause, though it feels appalling to have this hidden.

All the shame he had shown, his manager was still indeed here.

Felix left for a quiet place– in the service car where he and his manager were seated together and yet alone.

"Is everything settled?" Felix quivered from his seat after latching on the seatbelt. He bit his lower lip, feeling too uneasy that he was still being exposed from the crowd panning on the tinted windows.

"Almost, I'm sorry. I had to make sure that the chauffeur's going to take a long detour." Setting himself right next to Felix, the manager nodded at the chauffeur to proceed, not wanting to waste time. "Don't worry too much, we're going to arrive at the hotel without any troubles, okay?"

It took a few distant miles for Felix to let his breath out of suspension. He leaned on his back and closed his eyes for a while. He doesn't want to think twice about what's going to happen next. He had to do this.

He held Hyunjin's hand.

The other reciprocated with the same fondness weighing between squeezes. Hyunjin slouched a few inches from his seat to close the partition between him and the chauffeur, granted that they're safe from being chased.

"Tired? You can put your head on my shoulder." His fingers crawled on the rest of his hands, caressing them slowly to help him talk.

"I'm okay." Felix buried his head at the other's side, his eyes partly opened as he refrains himself from wanting more. "I only need you for now."

"From what extent?"

"Until the day after this. I hope it's not too much for you."

"It never is. It won't cost me anything when it comes to you."

With the last cloth on Felix's body gliding off him, Hyunjin couldn't resist dropping his jaw slightly open in surprise. Even if he has seen him this way on many occasions, the reply was always keen to be consistent.

"You're beautiful. God, you have to warn me the next time we're doing this." He went on to peck his lips, running his hands to cup his cheeks.

"It's the same body you always get to have when we have the time, hush. What difference does it make when it's been touched and loved by a few people before?" Felix felt his cheeks turn red, the heat making him more prone to embarrassment. Hyunjin always finds his way to compliment him genuinely.

"The difference? They're gone and I'm still here." Hyunjin slips a smile before backing a stroke on Felix's cock, he could be sly at times. A moan escapes right through the other's mouth, nodding obediently.

Compared to the other lovers Felix took to bed, Hyunjin stood out to be different from him. He always takes his pace with every stroke from his hand to mouth, he knows how to use his fingers inside him, all while teasing and being too in love with him even if it were a mimic. There was nothing between them. Though, this felt more than any stranger's touch.

"How do you want me to love you?" There was a growl after the favor, perhaps, Hyunjin was too excited having been inside him.

"Like you don't know me. I don't want you to tell me how Felix Lee should be loved.." This was a favor that could mean a lot of ways, but Felix already knew.

Hyunjin already sees him.