always been yours. (shubhman and ishan ff ) oneshot /twoshot book ishman

The unsent letter to you

READ THIS NOTE FIRST PLEASE-
SO IN THIS ONE IT IS LIKE THEY WERE CHILDHOOD BEST FRIENDS TURNED TO LOVERS..
BUT THEY GOT SEPARATED AND YEARS LATER TODAY ,THE ONE WRITING LETTER IS STILL SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER ONE..
AND IS WRITING A LETTER TO HIM.

THE ORIGINAL PIECE I HAD WRITTEN WAS A LETTER AFTER THE DEATH OF ONE CHARACTER BUT I COULDN'T DO THAT TO THESE SWEET BOYS SO...

Now I know , that you are not even gonna read this so lets start.
Happy reading.
.

Hey , I'm writing to you after a long time ..
How are you there ?
I'm doing fine here too
You know I'm in our hometown these days ..
Yeah yeah even I had thought I'd never go back after all that happened,
it'd be too painful to do so..
But I do actually, this is my third visit to there..
Are you wondering why am i writing to you during this visit ..
do you think your void in my life isn't painful anymore as I am able to talk about you ... even if you don't  I did ..
But then
this empty painful space wasn't filling itself with equal amount of silence and emptiness that i was providing, it requires.. demands ! your presence..
The silence that echos in my mind ... was too adamant to not be broken because you aren't here with your words ..
the helplessness that comes easily with tears , anxiety and this continues presence of the feeling of grey wasn't ready to leave me without your soothing , comforting wishpers .

And sleep wasn't ready to befriend me back without your presence ..
So today I'm writing to you .. in hopes that the empty spaces will let me live if I fill them with your memories
And those deafening silences with quite down by recalling our talks ..
I knowThe anxiety will be harder to shake off but your words shall help
And for the sleep I guess it's a pill and your shirts for now ..

So I'm writing this to tell you that ,
this time I chose for myself ,not for what's expected of me , nor for what's good for me .. just for me  .. it's funny how all the time you wished for me to leave this selflessness and when I did ,
you are not here give your severely annoying smirk with an overused "I knew you could do it" remark.. I muse sometimes all of it would've been followed by some made up special hug..

To tell you here I am now, I've taken decisions that I think are good for me , I've struggled,cried , worked and yes took time to come back to here time to time ..
Here , where you are...
Here, where you had taught me to dream ..
Here ,where I had dared to hope ..
Here , where you and I existed in the same place ..
Here , where.. once I had chanced to dream a us .. for you and I..
Here , where it all started and ended too..
Here, where I decided to let my heart forever beat for you..
Here , where I determined to not lose any precious dream..
Here , where I vowed to shine bright with newly crushed hopes.
The place where whenever I return..
I see you all over again .. on every corner , in every sympathetic stare..
On the lake side where peace was found ..
on the branch of our tree that stands astound ..

The place which convinced me that remedy to this pain is to accept it all together ..
To live my life somehow with acceptance that you're not gonna return.. not now not ever .
To just give myself another Chace to live ..
Maybe with the vow of my heart belonging to you all my life .. but even if not ,
then not forcing myself out of any happiness I desrve as well .

So today I want to tell you That my love ,
You'll forever be in my heart and memories.. you'll come to life time to time when I'll watch fireworks shining the sky, when I'll make brownies to treat myself, when it would be a lazy morning, when I'll come here for a holiday, when I'll sit on the swing in the front garden that you made, whenever I'll let myself think of you.. and you know what I Will think of you, because yes we did not have the destinies desire and right timing with us to be together maybe, but you'll forever be a cherished part of me.
I'm ending this letter here today ..
it's not a goodbye becouse with me in my heart you'll forever stay .
Yes I know I can't send this and you'd never read it .. but I believe it was a need for me to speak to you .. to tell you anyhow I'm here , near the riverside waiting for you to come with the knowledge that you wont.
I'm sure you're content where you are and you know I'll be fine by myself here too..
Forever yours -
Ishu ♡

- by me or kon ? 🥱

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