I will burn

VIII. (Part 2) Dorian

There has been a confusing energy tying me and Dorian all week.

But today changed our whole relationship.

I woke up, super early today.
Contemplating to leave or not all morning till sunrise, but something held me frozen on my bed.
I couldn't stop thinking about everything.
The past, Dorian, everything.
Finally Dorian walked in.
,, Goodmorning" He stretched in the door frame.
I sat up and blanky stared at the wall.
,, Morning" I got up finally and we went downstairs.
The house was already cold during this hour, so we started the day by putting logs into the fireplace.
I looked out the window, to find the whole place was compleatly white.
,, The forest looks magical when it's snowy like this" Dorian acknowledged. I nodded.
I couldn't help but think about the Empire again.
Christmas there and it led to memories again.
That was the daily norm by now.
But something was still holding me back.
After breakfast we layered on clothes and got to chopping down more trees.

,, How come the trees grow back so fast?" I asked.
,, My dad treats the remains with a growing potion" Right. Of course they had a potion for everything afterall.
But I didn't bother asking about it.
Flashbacks of the Empire kept coming back to me. Especially ones about Aldric.
And if I were to name every one of them, then, well, I wouldn't find an end to it.
We didn't speak much until the evening.
And after dinner, we all went outside and did one of those moon rituals again. Even though my wish still wasn't granted.
Nevertheless, today was different from that other time.
Instead of wishing and thinking about the future, Martha had the idea of us looking back and honoring the fact it.# almost been three months since I've came there.
,, Let's take this time to be grateful about everything our faith has gave us" She stated.
I didn't exactly understand the purpouse of this exercise.
I tried being grateful about the past, and the only thing I could think of was the Viactrices for saving me.
Otherwise, my life has really just been a disaster all at once.
But the gratefullness was rather about Dorian.
I was gratefull, he had found me that day. Otherwise, I would've probably went insane.
And I was gratefull he was the way he was, although it was annoying sometimes.
But the thought of him drew back to Aldric and my past.
I didn't even try and forget about it anymore.
It was in my mind, like a rotting parasite of time I couldn't get rid of.
And I lived with it, letting it take over me.
But there was still that final peice of my soul, that had love and hope.

That night, changed that forever.

,, Wait, before thou go to sleep, I want to show thee something I discovered" Dorian held my arm before I could go into my room.
,, Alright" I said and he once again led me outside into the freezing air.
I was gonna put some extra layers on, since I was in pyjamas but he insisted i didn't have to.

,, It'll just be a minute" He smiled, maybe for the first time with a hint of uncertainty.
Right when he opened the door he stopped and rached his hand out.
I stood next to him and looked at him. How a glowing yellow light followed from his heart to the palm of his hand and right out infront of us, creating a cliff on the side of Earth.
,, What the" I muttered in shock.
,, Do thou trust me?" He asked.
,, I suppose" I stuttered, confused what he meant by that.
,, Thou need to give me a sure answer" He smiled.
,, Ay" I said after a minute of uncertainty.
He held my palm and began walking forward.
I saw how his foot began stepping into the nothingness and wanted to stop him but the force of his gentle drag made me go forward, and I relalized only than it wasn't really a cliff.
We were floating, yet still somehow moving in a uncertain path.
We didn't know where we were going, but it still felt familiar.
It felt like we were everywhere and nowhere at the same time and when I looked back there was nothing but now.
,, What is this place" I asked.
,, It's a part of my mind, where everything that's most important to me is" He explained and wouldn't stop looking into my eyes.
Suddenly, not even the intimitading welcomingness of his eyes scared me anymore.
,, But what are we doing here?" He stopped on the spot.
,, Well, I just thought it was missing something" He confessed and held my face in his palm.
I realized he was talking about me and electric shocks followed where we made contact.
It wasn't until he kissed me I realized he did.
I stood startled on the spot, not knowing what to do, not necesarily in a bad way, but also not a good way.
I was stuck between fear and acceptance.
But like the idiot I was, I chose fear.
I kept my eyes opened until he realized something was wrong and he pulled away.
The place around us faded into reality.
,, Sorry. I didn't realize thou didn't feel that way" He stepped back, seeming heartbroken.
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything and ran back inside.
I laid in my bed for what seemed forever after that and I knew what I had to do the next day.
And it was about time.