Chapter Six: Ichor

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Trigger warning for this chapter!

~~~

P.T. was gone. He really went on tour with Jenny Lind. And Phillip still fell for Anne.

She didn't know what to do.

Again.

Nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

Alone. Again.

This time, she did not hesitate to take the razor blade.

Gold blood -Ichor- wetted the floor.

The pain of the cuts overshadowed the pain in her heart for that moment.

She wished to fade.

She wished this heartbreak to end.

She wished herself into his arms.

Hot tears fell down her cheeks. She didn't want to hide, she didn't want to feel this. She just wanted to be held.

For one second, the illusion of it was so real, she mistook it for reality.

But then, it was gone.

And she was alone.

It knocked.

She jumped. And froze.

"Astraea?", Phillips calm voice was carried to her, it was damnation and salvation at the same time.

After she didn't respond to him for another two times of asking, he just opened to door, growing worried.

Astraea stared at him with wide eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. Phillip rushed to her, as soon as he laid his eyes on the razor blade in her hand and took it away from her, mindless throwing it away in the corner of the room. "Astraea, what are you think..ing..?"

He stared at the blood on his hands, shimmering gold instead of red. "As goddess you don't have it always easy, Phillip", her quiet, broken voice pulled him out of the shock.

"Especially when you're in love with someone you cannot have" He thought he didn't hear right.

"Astraea...", he whispered and wanted to wrap his arms around her, but she pulled away. "Don't. Please", she pleaded, her voice breaking.

"I- Astraea, you cannot go through this alone. I'm here for you, darling" The nickname made her flinch. "Phillip.. I can't.", she whispered.

"What is it, Astraea?", Phillip wanted to know, desperately. His heart hurt at her sight. She shook her head. "Please, let me hold you", he entreated.

Hesitant, Astraea nodded. "Please" Phillip didn't need more. He sat down next to her and wrapped her into a hug.

Feeling his warmth, it was better and worse than she ever imagined. Feeling his heart beat against her, taking in his smell. Everything felt so wrong yet so good.

She wished it would never end.

"Phillip..", she croaked out, her heart filling with a wave of pain, tears falling.

"I'm so sorry", she cried. He didn't question her, even though it burned wanting to know why she apologised. He just held her.

"You know, you are way prettier when you smile", he broke the silence a while after. She hiccuped. "Stop please"

"What?", Phillip asked, confused. "Stop giving me hope" she whispered, he almost didn't make it out.

"Hope?", he repeated, just earning a tired nod.

"Don't give me hope"

With that she fell asleep in his arms.

~~~

"Astraea.. you need to wake up", Phillips quiet voice pulled her out of her slumber. "Hm?", she asked. "You need to wake up. You have a show in two hours", he repeated patiently.

Astraea sat up, but flinched at the pain in her arms. "We should probably treat the cuts and clean this mess up", Phillip proposed with a look at the golden blood surrounding them and on their clothes.

Astraea nodded hesitantly. "Probably..", she whispered. "The first aid kit is in one of the drawers", she then added.

With another plopp Apollon appeared. Astraea sighed. "Or like that.. thanks, Apollon", she said as the god wordlessly gave Phillip ambrosia and bandages, along with Alcohol to clean the wounds.

Phillip was speechless at the sudden appearance of the god. Apollon patted his shoulder. "You're a good guy, don't make any grave mistakes you're gonna regret later on", Apollon warned the other man.

Then Apollon disappeared again.

Astraea sighed. "That was Apollon, the god of music, dance, prophecy, healing, archery and many more stuff. Better follow his advice if he gives you one", the goddess explained. Phillip nodded slowly, but then turned to Astraea again.

"That-", Astraea pointed at the ambrosia, "-is ambrosia. It's the food of the gods, it help healing and pain. But for mortals, it's deadly, so better don't eat it", she carried on, as Phillip started to clean her wounds and then bandage them gently.

He was focused, and Astraea watched him with a weak smile. With her free hand, she ate the ambrosia. Energy filled her body and the pain faded. It's been a while since she last had ambrosia.

As soon as he was finished with her arm, he looked up, with a slight blush on his cheeks.

They were incredibly close right now.

Astraea's eyes trailed to his lips, and so did his.

But something in Astraea knew this was wrong.

"Phillip", she whispered, his bright blue eyes shot up and met her universe ones. "You love Anne, don't you? Why do you want to initiate a kiss with me?", she asked quietly.

Phillip froze. "I don't know, Astraea", he answered. Astraea pulled away. "Then please, figure it out", she pleaded while standing up.

With a snap of her finger the golden blood on their clothes on the floor, as well as the razor blade in the corner of the room disappeared and everything turned to its original state.

And without looking back at Phillip, she walked out of the room.

"I have a show to attend to. You better come too", were her last words.

He was left there, dumbfounded.

~~~

A wide smile adorned her features as she once again presented the circus troupe with wide outstretched arms.

And Phillip and W.D were right, the audience absolutely loved her.

Her stage presence was so intense, so raw and beautiful, so gracious and stunning, and captivating.

It was like she was born to do this.

She loved it too.

Anne smiled at her, along with the others as the harmonised a high note.

"To anyone who's bursting with a dream"

Come Alive was one of her favourite songs to perform. She really liked the choreography and the general sound and meaning of it.

"So come alive!"

~~~

See ya hopefully next week lmao

Next chapter: Fire

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