Dimming

Alice

      A shorthand gestor to the coat he just put on the hook, a settle kiss on my cheek, "Stay here..." In a departing tone. Unempathetic, distant, letting go of the thought I could be of any help. 

I try to reach out to him, I want to reach out to him, but here I am watching the man tread alone to his car without any protest. 

Parker was injured at school, and I peek from the blinds as you drive to her rescue. 

Camreon, where do I lie with her. She's your daughter, I understand, however, keeping me away like this, when she needs us both the most, makes me believe- No, shake that out of your mind. 

-I let go of the curtains, turning to the unfinished carpet, walking to the dropped out of shock vacuum, clicking it back on. 

...He was in a rush. It has nothing to do with distaining himself. Parker comes before any rational thinking of his, that I know. Why does it bother me so much? 

Earlier this morning was the same way. She pouted, protested not to go to school, he handles it, spoiled her anyway, and I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth unable to fill the role of a mother.  

When it comes to her, where do I lay? 

     -I open my eyes to a mirror, subconsciously having a pill in my hand before my mind could even wonder. 

-He acted so strange this morning, as if he seen a ghost. He thinks I couldn't notice, but I did. No one looks their wife in the eye like he does. It was like I was already dead to him. Am I not doing enough, is he falling out of love? I should google what to do next, am I being insecure? 

I plop the distasting pill in my mouth, bone rushed with something hard to swallow, that takes me two cups to stomach down. 

-"Ack..." Cherry, his sister claimed I'll get use to this in a month. News flash it's been a year, and the taste will never be something I get used to. It's like chugging down a piece of unwashed plastic than anything. 

      Look at me. -I pull my hair to my lip, rather long, breaking at the ends. It's a small breakage, but I notice it. I notice these little things. Should I wear less make up. -I find myself running hot water, towel on my lip to scrape off the lipstick I thought would make me more attractive. 

Last night, I couldn't make the first move, I never can when I want it, but it always come so easy for him... To...  -What am I talking about? Last night...  I stop scrubbing my bottom lip and can only stare back at my eye widen reflection. 

I remember reading a book, I can recall flipping its pages, then an "I love you" from Camreon but after that is... Is... 

     -I twist off the knob, the water stops pouring, allowing me to think in silence. -I can't recall a thing after the book, and Camreon's words. I-I know he had to go to work that night but...