The Most Beloved Star

part one

In the beginning, there was darkness. Nothingness outstretched across the universe. Except the Sun. The Sun was bright and beautiful. Expansive and all-knowing. But what is being bright and beautiful without anything to admire you? What is being expansive if there is nothing to compare to? What is being all-knowing when there is nothing to know? So the Sun sprinkled lesser stars across the sky. And grew planets lesser than the stars. On His favorite planet, he molded small mortals least of all. Small enough to admire Him and his expanse. Small enough to know and want to be known. I watched the care that he put into them and their environment. He loved them as much as a creator could love a creation, but He loved me most of all. I was His favorite of the stars and the closest to Him. We walked together across the morning sky. And we talked. I was close enough to touch Him, but I didn't dare although I wanted to. But through the years, I got too comfortable. And my hand itched for answers. So did my voice. How did He feel? Was He soft as His voice? Was He as warm as His laugh? When the day came, the morning sky was almost as beautiful as the Sun Himself with pinks and reds and clouds spread across the horizon. His eyes were kind and inviting. And I could not help but reach out my hand as if love consumed me. The sky darkened. The Sun turned red. His eyes filled with rage. And a fear long forgotten rose from deep within me. I had forgotten. How dare I forget. That He is The Sun. He is the most powerful being in the universe. And I am nothing. I come from nothingness and He can return me to it. When He grabbed my arm, it was hotter than anything I could have imagined. My flesh melting of my bones. And he banished me from the sky. And he cursed me to live as a mortal for all of my eternity.

I remember hitting the earth. And then nothingness. Darkness for what felt like an eternity. I began to worry that was permanent. But when my hope of light was almost gone, it finally shone on me. It was dimmer than I remembered, but still, it was light. And there was my mother. Kind eyes and a weathered face. And my father. Strong arms and callous hands. Afraid to hold me lest he hurt me. They smiled with a kind of geniune pure happiness I was unaware humans were capable of. In their arms, I was warm — not the same warmth I remembered as a star, but I was no longer cold. The Sun shone over the land warming it and giving it light, but to me, it was just a reminder of how far I had fallen. After a few years, I was joined by a brother. We had a bond that I cannot begin to describe. We had other siblings, but none so close as he and I. I loved him. And he loved me. As children, we played in the fields with not a care in the world. When it came time for us to become men, we both chose our aspirations. He chose to become a shepherd caring for the sheep and sacrificing them when it came time. I could not bear the violence so I chose to become a farmer caring for the fields and when it came time, I would offer my fruits to the Sun. But the Sun did not like my fruits even though I had offered him my very best. The Sun favored my brother's offerings. Years went by and my anger grew. Towards my brother. Towards the Sun. Everything I gave was never enough. But the least that he gave was always enough. I hate to admit it but I was jealous. I did everything I could to satisfy the Sun even though He had banished me to the earth. Because I still loved Him. Because I could never stop. No matter how hard I tried. I tried not to hate my brother. Resent him for his effortless perfection. But I did. And eventually, it got the best of me. I just watched how easily my brother took the lives of his sheep that he had lovingly raised and fed and nurtured. And I looked at my own hands. And although I had cleansed myself of violence, I took up a rock and brought it down. Just like the Sun had thrown me to the earth. As soon as I saw my beloved brother lying lifeless on the ground, I knew my mistake. And yes, my brother's murder was my fault. But who gave me this anger? Who introduced me to violence and betrayal? Who made me just to hurt me? I hardly remember anything after my brother's death. There was no more warmth in that life, no more light.