Sweet handsome friend, I can tell you truly
that I've never been without desire
since it pleased you that I have you as my lover;
nor did a time ever arrive, sweet handsome friend,
when I didn't want to see you often;
nor did I ever feel regret,
nor did it ever come to pass, if you went off angry,
that I felt joy until you had come back;
nor [ever].
- Tibors de Sarenom
Two hours later...
Peter and Dorcas were snogging, rolling backwards onto the grass. Everyone was drunk, but they were probably the drunkest.
"Go back to your tent, if you're going to do that!" James threw an empty cider can at them.
"D'you mind, Moony?" Peter surfaced, red in the face and bleary eyed, "If we go back to ours? You can bunk in with Prongs and Padfoot, can't you?"
"Oh, don't worry," Remus waved a hand, "I'll find somewhere." Sirius still hadn't looked at him, and he had a feeling that after the evening's revelations he would not be particularly welcome.
Peter and Dorcas disappeared, there was muffled giggling from within the tent, then the ghostly, hollow quiet of a silencing charm.
"Share with us if you want, Remus?" Mary said, getting up to leave for her own tent. Lily nodded,
"Yeah, our tent's much bigger - come in with us."
"Thanks girls," He smiled - he really was grateful. "You go on - I'm not tired yet. Think I'll just go for a walk."
He got up, limbs stiff and aching, and headed for the sea. It was properly dark now, away from the fire, but Remus had always been able to see in the dark. The tide was in, and louder than ever. A cold breeze flew forth, and he fumbled in his back pocket for a cigarette. He lit up and inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, feeling that now he could really think.
He was glad he'd said it, no matter what the reaction, but he still considered leaving. Ok, so they weren't all about to kick his head in, but who knew how they'd all act in the cold light of morning, stark and sober. Was it better or worse than being a werewolf?
He could still apparate, if he wanted to; go and look for Grant, maybe. Remus felt a surge of guilt. He hadn't thought about Grant in a while - maybe not all year. The other boy had been so kind to him; taken him in and been willing to put him up indefinitely. He'd given Remus some excellent advice too, if only Remus had taken it. Stay away from posh boys.
"Alright, Moony?" James approached him. Remus turned. Sirius was with him, looking sheepish. It looked as though James had dragged him over against his will. Remus wasn't surprised.
"Alright," he nodded. He offered James a cigarette. James shook his head, no.
"Just... wanted to see you were ok."
"Fine, thanks."
"Good."
"Sorry if I made things awkward."
"You didn't!" James said, a little too eagerly, as if he'd been hoping Remus would bring it up first. Sirius winced, but only Remus noticed. "Honestly, mate, we're glad you told us, really."
Remus just nodded, and looked back at the sea, taking another drag on his cigarette. Behind him, he heard James nudging Sirius, obviously trying to get him to say something reassuring and friendly, but to no avail.
