Tuesday 30th June 1976
"I'm sorry," said Sirius Black, with big, anxious eyes, standing behind Remus as he brushed his teeth.
"I'm sorry," murmured Sirius Black, low over the breakfast table, before Mary had arrived.
"I'm sorry!" Pleaded Sirius Black, as Remus walked away again.
"I'm sorry..." whispered Sirius Black, as Remus closed his bed curtains every night.
So let him suffer, said the cruellest part of Remus, the part that had been hurt the most. He turned his head, he walked away, he closed doors and he shut his eyes. Sorry isn't good enough, he said, with every action. I don't know what is.
James and Peter watched, cautiously, out of the corners of their eyes. They knew not to get involved - though James undoubtedly bore the brunt of Sirius's distress; the late-night meetings had returned with a vengeance.
The girls noticed that something was wrong, but they weren't sure what - Lily thought he was nervous about going back to St Edmund's, Marlene thought he was worrying about OWL results. Remus went along with both notions gratefully. After all, he was doing everything he could bear to act as normally as possible. He joined the marauders for meals, he sat in his usual place, he read his books, he played chess with Peter, gobstones with James. In the evenings, he climbed the stairs to bed.
But he did not speak to Sirius. For the remaining two weeks of June, Remus didn't say so much as a word in his direction. He didn't even look at him, if he could help it.
He had the feeling, after the first week, that perhaps James didn't completely approve of this. Potter was furious on Remus's behalf, of course - at least in the facts of the matter - but James could be very blind when it came to Sirius's less excusable flaws. James would have forgiven him after the first apology.
Maybe Remus was a weaker man. But he wouldn't be weak any more. He needed to get back to who he really was. We can all learn our lesson. Remus had tried being soft and open, like all of his rich, well-bred friends - where had it got him? He'd gone and fallen in love with his best friend, and almost got himself killed. He was ashamed of himself - mooning over Sirius like that. Moony's mooning. Sirius would find that hilarious.
So he started avoiding James and Peter, too.
He stopped going to lessons - that was the first thing. There weren't many to go to, of course, with the last exams taking place, and the whole school falling into summer holiday mode. Still, he had introductory NEWT classes pencilled into his timetable in almost every subject except Potions - he couldn't wait to be rid of Potions.
The greenhouses were a good place to hide out. Remus found by the end of the year that he had spent nearly all of his carefully saved cash on cigarettes and weed. He told himself that was ok. Told himself he wouldn't need money to find and destroy Greyback, just the right scent and a full moon. Not that he thought about Greyback much. He tried not to think about anything for too long; anger gave way to a numbness which seemed easier to live with.
When he couldn't be outside, he went to the library and pretended to read. Students from his study group stopped by occasionally, but he always found a reason to leave as soon as possible.
"Hiya, Remus!" Christopher popped out from between the stacks one afternoon, "Glad I caught you! Can you recommend some summer reading? I'll be doing my OWLs next year!"
"What?" Remus frowned, groggily. He'd been just nodding off, and was annoyed at having been woken. He was sleeping a lot, lately, but never seemed to feel refreshed. "Oh, god, I dunno. They send you a book list."
