A Time To Love

Chapter 14: "An Affectionate Feeling"

Daniel rolled over to the side of the bed and straightened himself up into a sitting position as he wiped the sweat that had formed on his forehead. He sighed as he looked around his room aimlessly.
Rosalie came from behind him, wrapped her arms around him, and asked, "What's wrong, Daniel? Is everything okay?"
He shook his head, "It's nothing. I'm okay."
"Are you sure? Were you..not satisfied, or something?" She asked as she played with his hair and stroked his neck, "We can always try again -"
"It's not that. I'm fine, really." He sat up, disregarding her advances, "I'm going to the bathroom."
"Well, don't be long!" She called after him.
He just stood there, looking into the mirror at himself. He barely recognized himself.
He couldn't understand the things that were going on inside of his mind and his heart. He had done this before. He had had sexual encounters before, but with Rosalie, it was different. Every time, he'd feel less and less like himself, and more and
more self consious. He would partake of it and not even think about it, but once he was finished, the guilt would hit him. He thought he was going insane. He'd never felt this way before.
The worst of it was though, as much as he tried to love Rosalie, and tell himself that being with her was for the best, he couldn't forget about Audrey. He thought he could. He thought that Rosalie would help him with that. He was convinced that
Audrey would never feel the same way as he did, so it was pointless to keep chasing after her. It would only hurt them both in the end. He thought that he'd eventually grow to love Rosalie the way he does Audrey, and that then he'd forget about her.
But, he could never get her off of his mind or out of his heart. She had made a permanent mark on him.
He was with Rosalie, but he really wished it was Audrey instead. Every time he would make love to Rosalie, he'd imagine it was Audrey, the one who truly and only holds his affection. He was fooling himself, but he figured he was in too deep to turn back now.
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As he walked through the church doors and looked around at the wooden pews, stained glass windows, and the iron cross upon the white walls, he wondered what had led him here.
Caleb Ward noticed him walk in and greeted him, "Oh, hello there! Can I help you?"
Daniel shook his head, "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm here. I-I should leave."
"Wait, wait! Don't go." He rushed over to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, bringing him to a stop, "Clearly, you're here for a reason. Sit down, would you?"
Daniel figured he didn't have much to lose, so he agreed.
"So, tell me," Caleb began, "What happened?"
"It's a long story, I suppose, and this might not be the best place to say it."
He raised his brow, "Oh? Why's that?"
"You might kick me out of here if you hear all that I've done. I'm not exactly the most holy person." He confessed while his eyes darted around the chapel.
"If that's so, then you've come to the right place, Daniel. You can tell me anything. Trust me, I've probably heard much worse." He assured, before adding, "I'm not perfect, either. I've sinned, too, so I'm not one to judge."
"Okay, if you say so." Daniel took a deep breath in and then out before continuing on bluntly, "I've got a girl I'm courting."
"Oh? And?"
"I've been... sleeping with her, but..." Daniel hesitated, feeling that guilty feeling return once more, "I don't love her."
Caleb took a moment to digest what he was hearing, "I see. Go on."
"I love someone else." He said simply. "I make love to the woman I'm
courting,... while thinking of another."
"This other woman...is she a prior betrohel, perhaps?" Caleb inquired, to which Daniel replied, "No. She's my best friend."
Caleb nodded his head with a sudden realization, "I don't suppose you're talking about Rachel's sister, Audrey Harris?"
Daniel chuckled to himself, "Is it that obvious?"
"Perhaps, but people around here already know how close you two are, so it just makes for an easy guess."
"I don't think we're as close anymore, though." He admitted, with a solemn tone to it, to which Caleb promptly asked, "Why's that?"
"I'm just her friend, and that's all to her, but for me...I can't even be around her, or see her, without falling deeper in love with her. To be honest, it hurts to love someone so much, when you know... they'll never love you the way you love them. But I can't even blame her either. She deserves someone so much better than me.
Someone's who's sober and actually has a hope for the future. Someone who can take care of her and love God the way she does." He paused, taking another deep breath before going on, "And, I'm not that person."
"But, you could be. One day." Caleb replied, paired with a sincere grin, "It's not too late for you. You're going through a tough time, but it won't always be like this. You might not be able to see it now, but if you keep moving forward, eventually... you'll
see the light at the end of the tunnel."
Daniel just shook his head, "I guess I have a hard time believing that one day everything will get better."
"Daniel, I don't blame you for that. It's hard when you've been down for so long to think that you might finally be able to get back up one day. But, the first step towards doing something is actually believing you can." He took a breath before looking Daniel in the eye and adding, "Daniel, God loves you. I believe he's calling out to you. The reason you feel guilty for being with someone in the way you have
been, while also being in love with someone else, is because the more we get close to God, the more we see things the way he intends for us to. Our hearts...start to break for the things that break his. And, when he calls us, and we hear the gentle whisper of his voice, we have a choice either to listen to it or to ignore it. That's what you have to choose, Daniel. Are you going to listen to him, or are you going to ignore him?"
"What if...I don't even know if I believe in him anymore?" Daniel responded, finally looking over to match Caleb's gaze. "Besides, why would he care about me?"
"I can't make you believe. That's up to you, Daniel. It seems like foolishness to those who don't believe, but to those who do, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. To think that the one who hung the stars and called them by name, the one who painted the galaxies, and thought up the world and all that's in it, loves you, is a crazy idea, but it's true, and it's the most lovely thought one could ever have. In this world, we will never be free of difficulties, but when you know who takes your right
hand, and goes before you, it makes it a whole lot easier." He painted a beautiful picture for Daniel with his words, one that Daniel wished he could believe was true, "He loves you, like he loves me. The town drunk,... and the pastor's son. Could we be
anymore different in society's eyes? But we're not all that different. God didn't just send his son to die for me. He sent him to die for you, too. I'm no more worthy of grace than you are, so if God has bestowed his wonderful mercy and amazing grace on me, then there's no reason he can't for you as well. You just have to believe it, Daniel."
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He had asked to meet her that afternoon, so she went, wondering what it must be about. Perhaps it was something to do with work. Whatever it was, she couldn't help but think it was odd. Dr. Pruitt and her had only met outside of work once before, the day they went for lunch at Tilly's. She asked herself why he couldn't have just mentioned it at work the day before? She hoped everything was alright with him.
She didn't have to wait long before he met her in the park, close by to the office they were doctoring in.
She greeted him with a smile, and he recipercated, paired with the usual 'hello's', and 'how are you's'.
Dr. Pruitt wiped his hands nervously on his pants as the pair found a bench to sit on, right under a budding maple tree.
He cleared his throat and began, "Well, you're probably wondering why I asked you out here."
"I would be lying if I said I wasn't." Audrey chuckled and added, "Is everything alright?"
"Oh, of course. There's just something... I need to tell you."
She swallowed anxiously, "What is it, Dr. Pruitt?"
"Audrey," He grabbed her hands suddenly, placing them in his, "I want you to know that I have begun to have an affectionate feeling for you."
Audrey tried to speak but couldn't find the words. He went on, though. "I know we've only known each other for a short time, but I feel we get along quite well, and I enjoy having you around. You're a kind, beautiful soul, Audrey. You've enchanted
me so. If it's alright with you,...I'd like to court you, with the intention of one day marrying you."
Audrey hesitated, and in that brief moment, she sent silent prayers to God, asking what she should say and what she should do. His eyes were gentle and kind, making Audrey feel as though it would be cruel to turn him down. But, to agree to something she's unsure of, to only find out that it wasn't right in the end would be
even more cruel, so she did the best thing she could.
"Dr. Pruitt," She began, with a tender tone to her voice, "I appreciate your kind words, but this is very sudden for me. I really don't know what to say, so...please let me think about it."
He nodded his head and let her hands go from his, "I understand. Think about it for as long as you have to. But, just know...I really do mean what I said."
"I know. Thank you."