I left the concert hall exhausted. Cold breeze went up my body as I was walking towards the parking lot. The wind made my curly hair look terrible and I couldn't wait to get home and lock myself from the world.
I found Petra asleep in her untidy room. As quietly as I could, I closed the window. We were going to go shopping later in the evening but she caught cold and I had to change plans.
She grabbed my hand and looked at me sleepily. I sat down on her bed and touched her forehead. She must've had a fever, I thought. I prepared her tea with honey and lemon. She did not want anything to eat for dinner.
In the morning, I drove Petra to my sister's house. I had a short practice with orchestra and then went on a parents' evening at Petra's school.
We were seated in a quite small but beautifully decorated classroom. I hesitated because I was the first to come and could not decide where to sit. In the corner there was a colorful poster with a few children's drawings that caught my attention. I was early so I had time to check them out. I've always been interested in art, and kind of art really, not only music.
The first drawing captured a red car parked in front of a modern house. Other children had drawn various trees with leaves of all sorts of colours. I liked the way children's imagination worked. Purple leaves - why not?
"Good afternoon." I turned around quickly. A tall woman had come in and shut the door behind her quietly. Her hair was fair and short. The white coat went perfectly with it. I realised I'd been checking her out and laughed nervously. "Hello," I walked towards her and shook her hand. "You must be..." "Christine," she said before I could finish my sentence. I was starting to introduce myself but then I saw that other parents were coming so I just sat down. Christine glanced at me weirdly and sat two seats away.
My phone rang loudly while Petra's teacher, Mrs. Schafer, was talking about our kids going on a school trip the following week. I felt everyone looking at me as I was turning the phone off. I was too ashamed to apologise and did not dare to look at anyone.
After the meeting had finished I was the first to leave the classroom. Christine said goodbye while I was rushing towards the door. I did not answer.
I pulled the heavy wooden door and stepped out of school. I leant on my car and opened the bag to find a phone. My sister had called me four times during the meeting and I called back immediatelly for I was concerned about Petra. Her cough got worse overnight.
Sister answered in a second and shouted at me. I did not understand a word so she repeated herself. "Look, don't worry too much," she started and I squeezed the keys in my pocket. It was definitely about Petra. "Petra had a panic attack and I drove her to the hospital." My heart started beating faster and I could not say a word so I sat in the car and tried to calm myself down without pills. I asked my sister to tell me more but she told me to come to the hospital and then hung up.
I did not know whether to scream or cry. Panic attack? She'd never had one before.
"Sweating, trembling, breathing heavily." An elderly nurse informed me of Petra's symptoms. I was sitting in the waiting room impatiently. They did not let me see Petra even though that was the only thing I wanted. The nurse left and my sister came to comfort me. "They're not sure yet whether it's a panic attack or not because they cannot really diagnose that." I was confused. "Why? What are they doing then?" "She'll have to see a psychiatrist," she whispered. I laid my head on her shoulder and broke down.
