Cage of bones

Epilogue

Six years later

Snow drops.

So early this year. It was only January. I was certain they came out in March last year. Or was it February?

I smirked a little at how the years melted into one another. I huddled inside my scarf; even if the coldest of winter had passed, the wind ruffling my short, white hair still felt chilly.

It was beautiful, the grave yard. A park. Bare now due to the earliness of the year, but with the potential of blossoming. My favourite was spring, when the main road would be covered in a light pink carpet cast by the cherry blossom trees. Those trees would then bear fruit that I would sit down and eat next to his grave after having taken care of it for a while.

Now, the only thing planted on his grave was a small spruce in a beautiful ceramic pot. The ceramic pot had been placed there last year, and was also filled with flowers during the spring and summer, but now, it was only the spruce.

I hadn't brought a flower this time but a small lantern. As I placed it down in the earth of the ceramic pot, I wondered, not for the first time, if the pot had been brought here by Henry and Oliver.

I had seen them at the funeral. I would never admit this to anyone but my plants, but I had considered not going just so I wouldn't have to meet them.

I had gone anyway. Not because I couldn't live with myself if I didn't; turned out I could live with myself under many circumstances. But because I had seen Izuna in front of me, how he would react if he found out.

Tobirama, you selfish bastard, you weak-ass pussy, you go suit up right now, go to my funeral, cry and look very, very sad over my death!

The thought had made me smile. Then, I had realised it was just a fantasy foster and I had cried instead. 

I had gone, my head cast down the whole time. But I had still noticed Oliver and Henry had come together, and they were standing on the opposite side of Izuna's urn containing his ashes that would be buried. But I hadn't looked at them. Nor spoken to them.

Oliver had come to me.

"Tobirama..."

I had turned and left, not going to the ceremony in the theatre held afterwards. 

They hadn't contacted me since. 

I had been scared to meet them at some point at his grave, but my need to go hang out with Izuna had been greater. I hadn't met them once, though, and over the years, my fear had ebbed out.

I wondered what they were doing nowadays. if they were still together. Did Henry work in the ballet? Did Oliver work with the police force? I wouldn't know, because I wasn't working as a police chief anymore, and I wasn't the type to stalk others. 

I sat down next to his grave, down on one knee.

"Hi", I said. "It's six years ago. Can you believe that?" I closed my eyes. "I don't know what to do to make me stop wondering what kind of man you would have been today. What kind of man I would have been with you. What kind of people we would become together." 

The wind ruffled my hair. I still didn't open my eyes. 

"Because we would be together", I continued. "Love is a decision, you see. And I have decided. I still decide on you, every day. And I doubt there will be a day when you're not my choice even if you're dead." 

Eyes still closed, I leaned my cheek on his gravestone. It was a beautiful gravestone, black marble with white inscriptions as well as the drawing of a bird. 

Suddenly, I became very, very aware that I was being watched.

I jerked and stood up on my legs immediately; my old police reflexes would stay with me until the day that I died. 

It was Oliver and Henry. Six years on, but still Oliver and Henry.

Oliver was as sinewy as ever. Henry had gained muscle mass in a way that suited him exceptionally, but which made me suspect he wasn't a ballerina anymore. They both looked stylish in coats and scarves. Oliver was wearing glasses.

We didn't say anything. We just looked at one another. I felt terrible. Guilty. As if I was responsible for Izuna's death. 

"Hi", Henry said. 

"Hi", I said.

Oliver didn't say anything, just hugged Henry's arm close to him and looked down with a blush. Henry stood steady as a rock. They were perfect together. 

"How are you?" Henry asked.

I thought for a bit.

"Good", I said, and it wasn't a lie. I was good. "And you?"

"Also good", Henry said.

"Yeah..." Oliver whispered, still looking down.

Silence again. I wanted to go up to Oliver so badly, be a rock on the other side of him, put my finger beneath his chin and tilt his face up to mine, tell me it was okay, that he could look at me. 

"Was it you?" I asked instead. "Who brought the pot with the spruce?"

"It was", Oliver said, trying to gain confidence. "But we only planted flowers. The spruce was from the ballet company."

"I see", I said.

It was very awkward. One part of me wanted to run away. 

Then, I saw Henry was smirking.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I just imagined Izuna", he said. "Standing here, watching. I mean, what if he is? Right now? He would probably be bending over and crying of laughter at how fucking awkwardly we behave."

I leaned my head back and laughed. A real laugh. I saw it surprised Henry and Oliver. So I wasn't the only one imagining Izuna's reactions to different situations. You haven't bought a new lightbulb for that lamp for how long, exactly? and You know you're not going to eat two entire cucumbers yourself before they go bad, right? and Pink toothbrush? How gay. It made me smile to think Henry did it, too. 

The two men in front of me... So many drams crushed. So many wholes halved. So much pain and suffering.

And so, so much love.

"It was nice seeing you", I said and turned and started to leave. "I'm sure we'll see each other soon sometime."

I continued walking.

Then, I heard running steps behind me. 

"Tobirama!" I stopped but didn't turn. Oliver ran to stand in front of me. Then, he took my hand. "Tobirama, please. Come to dinner at our place tonight."

I looked Oliver into his eyes. This boy... This officer I had loved so much. Who had stood by my side as I went through the most technically difficult and mentally challenging case in my life. Who had held me while I slept during nights when I was too weak to hold him. Who had always had an encouraging word for me.

Then, I turned to Henry. He was looking at me with a face I couldn't read.

I looked back at Oliver.

"Okay", I said. "I will. I still have the same number. Text me your address."

And with that, I turned and left.

The gravel crunched pleasantly beneath my feet. Then the grass as I walked over it. My heart was beating steadily inside the cage built by my ribs. 

I took care not to step on the snowdrops. 

End