It's Not Love

Dilemma

By Monday I was mainly back to reality besides a feeling I've had in my stomach since I left Eric's house the day before. Butterflies, it's something I haven't had in a long time and honestly I'm scared to death. The last thing I want to do is fall in love again, it crushed my entire existence last time, have you ever seen Twilight when Edward broke up with Bella and she was basically on autopilot and it's her sitting in a chair and the camera spins around her as the seasons change? That was pretty much me, I never left the house, unless to work, and I barely took care of myself, my friends couldn't even be around me because I was so depressed, I couldn't even fake happiness if I tried. 

I remember the breakup like it was yesterday, at the start of the relationship I told him "If we break up, I'll never fall in love again," and I meant it. My heart sometimes still lingered by his presence, the light in my eyes, the sun doesn't even make it shine like he used to. I locked my heart into a box and threw away the key. But maybe it could be unlocked, and my eyes might shine bright again, until then this will be taken very cautiously because if it breaks one more time, I don't think I can ever recover the pieces to put it back together.  

By the time I finished seeing my last client, I had gotten a text from Eric, yes we had exchanged phone numbers, no not Snapchat handles, we're not fifteen. "I'll pick you up at 3:30 for your appointment." I sent him my address and closed the office early, which is something I never do, however, I had an appointment, and my nurses knew something was up but they couldn't get it out of me, not yet anyway. I got home at 2:45 and I looked as tired as I felt but nothing concealer can't fix, which is a Godsend. I didn't need a shower because I do so every morning but after a quick makeup touchup I quickly threw on a pair of black slacks, and a blouse, nothing fancy just better than a T-shirt. I just finished applying lip gloss when the doorbell rang, I checked my phone, 3:30 on the dot. With a spritz of perfume, I answered the door, he was wearing a navy suit, I knew he worked in business, but I had never seen him out of casual clothing and damn, he looked good. 

"Ready to go?" I almost forgot to answer, I'm pretty sure I was almost drooling, stupid. "Yeah, let me grab my purse." Walking towards his car, he stopped me before I could reach the handle and opened the passenger door for me. Some may say my standards are too high, and they might be, for the wrong guy, but expectations in my opinion will keep you from finding the wrong guy. For example, I do expect a man to open every door for me, box one is checked. It's simple, it shows compassion and that he is concerned for my safety, and always lets me go in front of him, knowing he'll always have my back, because why would a guy you're dating walk in front of you for another guy to check you out? Makes no sense to me. It shows that you're actually WITH that person and he is proud of you. I don't know, just something to think about. 

On the drive, I asked how his day went, and he went on to tell me a bunch of business talk I had no clue what he was talking about. Then I told him about my day, talking medical terms, which he probably also had no clue what I was talking about but it was a nice conversation. We arrived at the salon, and eventually, I was getting my feet scrubbed in the bath water below me, "Fair warning, I have sensitive feet and I'm very ticklish." my face curved into a smile as the scrub brush started to tickle the arch of my foot. "I'm fairly warned, but now I just have something against you." My feet usually aren't ticklish it's only when I'm getting a pedicure and someone is scrubbing them, but I didn't want to ruin his fun. 

Now that my toes were polished with a nice red, I did feel better because honestly, nothing is better than a pedicure, I went to pay but the woman at the reception desk told me it was already covered. "You didn't have to do that you know," I said turning to him, "Well what kind of guy would I be if I made you pay on our first date?" I started to blush again, damn it, I need to start wearing blush again, "So this is a date?" I said in a flirtatious tone, "Well of course, the next thing though is a surprise." he smirked at me as he opened the door to his car for me, again. 

We drove into the city, I didn't want to be annoying but I had to ask, "Okay can you please tell me where we are going?" He looked over, smiled, and cocked his head up, "Now what fun would that be?" We parked and headed into a building I didn't recognize, I felt a little underdressed but better knowing I went with heels instead of my usual Hey Dudes. We stepped into an elevator where he pushed a button to the top floor. It was quiet for a moment before, "I can't wait," he grabbed me by my waist and pinned me into his chest where his lips crashed into mine, I was lost in him, and for a moment I forgot that we were in an elevator, that I have been suppressing my feelings, that I'm broken on the inside, we stopped kissing two floors before the top, and I had a moment to fix myself. 

I had enough time before the doors opened and when they finally did, I sure as hell wasn't expecting to see him.