External | HS

6.

Make sure to read chapters 1-5 before this one as I've uploaded them very recently. You don't want miss information xx

We've been sitting around our booth for a while now chatting about whatever is interesting at the moment. Amelia left because she had some big modelling gig in the morning and had to get her "beauty" sleep.

I'm six gin and tonics in and I can't remember how many shots I had. They were raspberry flavoured vodka shots and I just kept pounding them back whenever I started to think of him.

I haven't seen him in over a year but I got a glimpse of who I thought was him and it hasn't left my mind. Luckily it was just some random person and knowing he's not around makes me feel a bit better. It doesn't stop the anxiety rising in my stomach though.

I rub my hands on my jeans trying to dry up the moisture that keeps coming back. I took off my jacket a bit ago to cool off but I still feel like I'm drowning in warmth.

I stand up suddenly and excuse myself from the table. I need fresh air before I pass out. I can hear Emily shouting behind me probably wondering what's wrong.

Everything's wrong. My job is wrong, my social life is wrong. I can't enjoy being a twenty year old without thinking about work the next day and making sure I'm awake on time. I don't really have a social life other than coming to this club and I can't be a photographer because I was born to take over the family company.
Everything I've ever wanted, I can't have.

A tear starts to roll down my cheek as my chest gets tighter and tighter. I need to get out of here.

Trying to hold myself up through the crowd as bodies knock around me and my vision is blurring isn't easy. I get to the top of the stairs and reach my arm out to grab the railing like it's my life support. I made the mistake of looking down at all the people dancing below, making my head spin even more.

Slowly, I go down the stairs to the main level keeping a firm grip on the railing. Passing through all the dancing bodies I get down the long hallway and feel like I can almost catch my breath. Just a couple more steps.

I put my hand out on the wall to stabilize myself, gliding my palm along the smooth texture until I reach the doors. Opening the sleek black door, I feel the October wind hit my face and can finally take a deep breath in.

The streets out front are crowded so I walk along the path until I find an alleyway. It's secluded and dark other than a small motion sensor light above me.

I rest with my back against the wall and slowly fall until my butt hits the ground and my knees are up to my chest.

It was your fault. You shouldn't have disagreed with him. You know better.

I rock forward with my arms around my knees and tears streaming down my face. My chest feels like it could burst at any second.

It was your fault. You shouldn't have disagreed with him. You know better.

Stop! I bring my shaky hands to cover my ears as I rest my head between my legs.

It was your fault. You shouldn't have disagreed with him. You know better.

I try to focus on my breathing as I bring my head up to the dark clouds and breathe in as much as I can before exhaling slowly. I do this a few times before grasping into the brick wall behind me for support as I stand up slowly and start to pace up and down the alley.

It was your fault. You shouldn't have disagreed with him. You know better.

In frustration I kick a metal trash can to my left. The kid pops off and all I can hear is the swivelling sound of metal until I don't hear anything at all.