Tag, Your It!

Epilogue

I lied. In some way I lied and my confession; the truth. The truth was that I was a murderer. I had murdered people. I had murdered my bestfriend, my boyfriend, her family and people I knew nothing of.

I know one should feel sorry for what I did. For confusing the masses. For lying. For acting as if  I was innocent. For acting as thought it was the first i'd seen a dead body.

I don't.

I feel angry. Angry that I let them escape. Angry at my mother. Angry at my father who isn't alive. Angry at my ancestors for accepting evil. Angry at the world even.

From sunrise to sunset I am still in that room. I am still under jeffs body. I am still plunging the knive in and out of one body to the other. I am still feeling the hurt pf betrayal. I still mourn the lost of my bestfriend. I still mourn the loss of my old self. My old body.

Not really though. I've come to terms with living with this body. I've come to terms with voices inside my head. I've come to terms with the nightmares.

Some nights I do not sleep some I do. Sometimes I go weeks without rest. Sometimes I sleep for a whole month.

I embrace my new surroundings. Its thick with nature. I have found myself a new home, a new sanctuary. Though I miss my brothers I am still on the run. Ironic isn't it.

Somedays I let myself forget and I venture beyound the thick woods. I search for meaning, for purpose. I did find that purpose.

I found it when I stood at my mothers new home. My brother loud snickering were coming inside. They were so happy. I let myself knock one two many times on the door.

My mothers shocked face did not startle me. I stepped inside and I called my brothers name. They came runny happy to hear such a familiar unfamiliar voice. They asked who I was and I told them. They were confused. Then they were anxious. Then they were all smiles. As if they just got their first car set.

My mother sat across from me still gaping. I almost thought she was afraid of me. Thought I had come with the intent on killing her I could not leave my brother both fatherless and motherless.

So I said goodbye and I promised to visit and I left and I didn't look behind as I walked out the door.

So now.

Now I am five oceans away. I let myself go and I kept moving. I moved until It felt like home.

It does feel like home here.

Its peaceful and quiet. No one to bother me. No one to scream my name. No one to place blame. No one to hunt. No one to chastise.

I am at peace.