The Court of Torture and Love: A Rhysand Fan Fiction

Chapter 13: Rhysand

"Rhysand, wake up!" someone shouts. They're right above me. Something collides with my face and I gasp awake.

My power comes back to me and attacks the person above me. Their hands are ripped from my shoulders as they're thrown back. They hit the ground with a hard thud. My power encircles them, attacking them.

It's not until she lets out a cry that I realize who it is. Lilith is curled in a ball in the center of my power, her hands over her head and her wings... instead of wrapping around like mine would to protect the body, she has her wings drawn tightly shut at her back.

I pull back, drawing the power back into me. She grabs her shoulder, coughing as air slowly forces itself back into her lungs.

"Gods," she wheezes, coughing again as she pushes herself up. "What... the hell?"

I swallow, trying to catch my breath. I was Under the Mountain again. I was in Amarantha's bed. I was back there and I couldn't stop anything happening to me and there was no way out. No. I'm in the Night Court. In Velaris. I got out. It stopped.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep, shaky breath, holding it in my lungs. I run a hand down my face and through my hair, feeling the sweat on my forehead.

"I'm sorry," I gasp out. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't mean to do that." It happens every time I have a nightmare. My power covers the whole house. If I don't wake up when I do, which is usually when somebody forces me to wake up, I could destroy the entire house, along with half the fucking mountain.

"Gods, keep it to yourself next time. I have had more than enough fear caused by you!" Lilith hisses, her wings fluttering in annoyance. She rubs her shoulder. It doesn't look dislocated, but I can't be sure. Gods.

Wait. What did she just say? Did she just say that she could feel my fear?

"You felt my fear," I ask, looking at her.

"Of course I did! You were practically broadcasting it over the house with your power. Everyone could feel it! Gods, what is wrong with you!" She stands, still holding her shoulder.

I didn't mean to hurt her. Not anymore. Even at dinner, I didn't want Cassian to kick her like that. I just wanted to scare her. He acted before I could stop him and it made me angry and I'd taken it out on her.

I swallow, my throat too narrow and dry. It feels like something is pressing down on my chest and won't let up. Gods, not with her here. Not with her here to see. Please. I can't keep doing this.

"Rhysand?" she asks. Her voice is suddenly less harsh. Small. A squeak in the quiet of the room.

I try to draw in a breath, but I only wheeze instead. Lilith snaps her mouth shut, flinching away from me. Like I scare her, even when I'm vulnerable. Slowly, she takes a step closer, examining me. I wheeze again, squeezing my eyes shut. My chest hurts.

"What's happening?" she asks.

I shake my head, bringing my hands to my chest. My heart is pounding. I fall back in the bed, rolling to my side. My wings spread around me, trying to protect me. I'm half away that I'm naked, but Lilith hasn't seemed to notice yet, or she just hasn't said anything about it.

"Rhysand, what is happening?" she asks again. I feel her getting closer to the bed, to me. I shake my head again and again, trying to get my thoughts straight. My body is trembling. I can feel the attack coming on quickly. It always happens after a nightmare. I just want to be alone. I don't want anyone to see this. I don't want her to see this.

"Please go," I whisper. It's all I can get out. My throat constricts and cuts my voice off. My muscles hurt from how tightly they're pulled.

"Okay," Lilith murmurs, raising her hands. She doesn't leave though. "Okay. It's okay. You're okay. You're um..." She looks around, biting down on her lip. Her expression is soft. "You're in Velaris. In bed. Safe." Slowly, she lowers herself onto the bed, getting closer to me. It's like she knows what's happening.

Gods, I just want her to go away. I squeeze my eyes shut. There's a brief pause, then the bed shifts and I feel Lilith wrap herself around my back. Something soft moves over us and I open my eyes to see her wings. They overlap mine, forming a shield.

"Find five things you can see," she murmurs, pressing her forehead to my back, right between my wings.

"What?" I croak.

"Five things that you can see. Name them."

I lick my lips, looking through the small part of her wings. "Your wings. My wings. The bedsheets." My mouth feels dry. "I don't know... The... the stars outside. The moon."

"Four things that you can feel." Her lips brush over my back and I shudder against the feeling.

"The silk in the sheets. The feathers in your wings. The membrane in my wings. The..." What else can I feel? There's nothing else that my body is touching. Nothing other than... "You."

"What are three things that you can hear?"

"My heartbeat. Your breathing. The wind from outside." My chest starts to loosen and it gets easier to think. To breathe.

"Two things you smell."

"Citrus." My shampoo. "Roses." Her scent.

"What do you taste right now? Just one thing." Her lips still brush over my back everytime she speaks. It sends shudders down my body and raises goosebumps on my skin.

"Mint from the toothpaste I used."

She nods against my back, keeping her wings around me. Her arm is draped over my waist, something I didn't notice before. She's breathing softly. I can smell the fairie wine on her breath. If I had to bet, I'd say her eyes are closed. I can practically feel the emotions battling a war inside her.

"You're okay," she finally says. "Just keep breathing."

I take a deep, shaky breath in. My chest feels looser. It's easier to breathe. "Why are you helping me," I ask, closing my eyes. I know I'm supposed to be her captor, and she's supposed to be scared of me. Right now, I just want to drop the act. I want to keep her there, her skin warm against mine, her soft wings weighted just right over me.

"I'll leave when you fall asleep," she says. She doesn't answer my question. Her breath is hot against my spine. I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't feel like I'm going to fall asleep. I never am after an attack like this. "Nothing's going to happen," Lilith murmurs. "You're okay."

The combination of her voice and her breath on my back and her wings over me lures me to sleep quicker than anything else ever has before. I drift off, still curled up against her, focusing more on her breath against my skin than my own.