Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin

Chapter 16: Feasts, Electives, and Student Organizations (pt 2)

2 September 1993
5:00 p.m.

As the Third Year Gryffindors entered the foyer to the castle after their adventure with Hagrid's hippogriffs, they were met by a scowling Malachi Sturgeon and his hideous cat (who apparently went by the name of Mr. Crookshanks), both of whom seemed mortally offended by the amount of mud they were tracking into the building.

"Just look at all this filth!" the man roared in a fury. "Vandals, the lot of you!" As the various Gryffindors mumbled their apologies, the caretaker shook his head and then pointed at Jim. "You, boy! Come with me!" And with that, Sturgeon turned and stormed off without waiting for Jim's response. The Boy-Who-Lived blinked in confusion before turning to his friends with a shrug and then heading after the caretaker.

Moments later, he followed the man into the cramped office that had previously belonged to Argus Filch. To Jim's surprise, it was even messier than when Filch had occupied it, mainly because a large cabinet that bore the label "Confiscated and Extremely Dangerous" had been cleaned out, its contents spread out across every work surface as if Sturgeon had been searching for some particular bit of contraband.

"Snot-nosed little hellions!" the man snapped as he gently dropped his cat down to the floor before turning back towards Jim with a sneer. "Why back in my day, detentions would have been spent hanging in the dungeons by your thumbs!"

Jim stared at the strange man for a few seconds before speaking. "Begging your pardon, Mr. Sturgeon, sir, but when exactly did you go to Hogwarts if they were still torturing the students? Because Mr. Filch's complaints to the contrary, I'm pretty sure they stopped hanging students by their thumbs quite a long time ago."

Sturgeon's face twisted into a snarl of rage ... before he suddenly lost his composure and burst into laughter. "Yes, alright, I suppose that was a bit over the top. I thought it best to adopt an attitude similar to my predecessor's – the better to make students wish to avoid me so they wouldn't take too much interest in our activities – but honestly, it's a struggle to keep a straight face while doing an Argus Filch impersonation."

Jim blinked in confusion. "Our ... activities?"

The other man tilted his head as if intrigued by Jim's response. "You really have no idea who I am, do you?"

"I know you're the new caretaker," he said cautiously. "Should I know you from anywhere else?"

"Extraordinary," the man said with some degree of amazement. "Simply extraordinary."

Before Jim could say any more, Sturgeon swiftly reached into the inner pocket of his shabby coat and pulled out a folded sheet of paper which he handed over to the boy. With some hesitation, Jim unfolded the paper and read the words written on it. Then, he looked back and forth between the paper and the man in front of him in confusion before his face finally lit up with recognition and delight.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed with a laugh. The caretaker made a sour face and clucked his tongue at the outburst.

"Language, Jim," chided Remus Lupin.

Meanwhile, back in the Great Hall, Ron had taken a seat next to Hermione, though he had saved a seat on his other side for Jim (and had practically growled at a Firstie who tried to claim it only to back away fearfully).

"I hope Jim's okay with that new caretaker," he said. "Guy's as creepy as Old Filchy but not half as old and worn down."

"I'm sure Jim is perfectly safe with Mr. Sturgeon," Hermione said confidently as she picked up a pitcher of pumpkin juice. But then, she paused for a moment and stared at the pitcher for several seconds intently before putting it back. "On second thought, I think I'll stick with water," she said with a frown.