the things i forgot to say

el

i don't know how to begin

so i will start at the beginning

i saw you

love at first sight

i didn't know it at the time,

but you loved me too

and then i fucked up

i ruined everything 

when you were nothing but amazing to me

then she came.

she drove me insane

batshit crazy

but not like you,

for you drove me the

best kind of crazy;

crazy in love

we ended the year 

in a fight

and did not talk for months

until november 

you sat next to me 

in french class;

asked me how i was

i said i was fine

i wasn't

gasping for air in the bathroom

tears rolling down my face

i didn't know what was wrong with me

in that moment, i wanted to die.

you walked in

saw my shoes under the stall

knocked

once, twice, three times

a drop of blood fell on the floor

from my wrist

i saw you through the gap

and opened the door

you saved my life that day

and every day after that

because every day i saw you

i wanted to see you the next

and the next 

and the next

flash forward

you say you liked me the entire time

i say the same

and maybe i would have been better

if we were together.