Change of Heart

Lucy Shell Shock

Maugrim

I sighed as I was beginning to worry for my mates  mental well-being as it has been a  fortnight since the attack, and she still has residual terror and refuses to leave me. I blushed as I looked up at the sky and felt  my beloved  press against my side and whisper about the other night. Love, do you think I'm a monster? I  frowned and thought could that really be what she thinks? I frowned and said of course not  my queen. You protected yourself from  a  certain death even the most  vile and selfish wolf  wouldn't be blamed for that. I  sighed and looked down at that point, realizing exactly what I had said. I blushed as Lucy lifted my head and said  Maugrim? I blushed and said hmmm? She smiled and sang

I looked away and said you don't want to know what's going on inside my head trust me My queen licking her cheek lovingly. She sighed and turned my head to face her and said Maugrim Nothing you could say to me will change us. i sighed and said that's not what I'm afraid of I'm only trying to protect you you'll understand one day when your older. Lucy sighed and said Maugrim we're mates now if somethings wrong you can tell me I'm only trying to help. i nodded and said i know, and I'm eternally grateful, love but I am ashamed of my past and some of the things that I had to do. I frowned as I  shifted and glanced nervously around spotting King Edmund. I blushed as he looked at me knowingly and said  Lucy I know you're only trying to help, but  it's  better if those times are left in the past. I  froze as he  looked me deep into my eyes and said  Maugrim knight and  guardian  of Narnia  We do not hold you responsible for your  mistakes the  witches  bewitching caused. I  shifted and looked him in the eye for just a moment to long and finally broke and said  Forgive me, my  king as I ran away in wolf form, heading for the River's rapids.  I sighed as I  looked out over the water and sat down and began to cry. I sighed as I  heard the sound of paws froze as I felt a paw on my shoulder. I  sighed as I  pulled away and said  go away I don't deserve your pity. I froze as I heard Aslans gruff voice say why do you continue to punish yourself for things Forgiven? I  sighed and looked away and said, "Because I have not forgiven myself, you didn't see the fear and pain I did you are not the one who swore you would love  protect and even die for your family only to be the one  to slaughter them as they begged for mercy and pled for me to stop. You weren't the one that is tormented with images of  of your  tiny little cubs running to greet you only for that Same instant to be marred by their screams of pain and fear as they watch their  siblings be torn apart. He nodded and said you are right I am not. Therefore, I cannot begin to understand what it's like  nor comprehend what you go through. However, I can help you find peace.  I  froze as I  heard  papa, please  don't grieve for us anymore. We understand now why. I frowned as I turned and saw my family  standing before me close to Aslan. I blushed as I  wept and nuzzled them and  kissed my former mate and  frowned as she  said we hold no resentment against you please let your heart rest easy in the knowledge that  I want you to be happy with your new mate. I want you to  stop pushing her away and let her  comfort you as I once did, for she is guided by my paw  her heart beats after mine.