I was looking at myself in the mirror, in front of a total stranger. No smile, no soul behind those eyes. Nothing .
How did after years of acceptance of the pain, choosing one time, just one time "Happiness" will take me further down.
I had to die, for him, by him or against him. But I still had the time to prepare, prepare for the pain, for the screaming in my head, the tears and the chaos before that.
Before what ? We don't know that yet... and after that what ?
Tomorrow we'll see.
Tomorrow we'll know.
But before that the only thing that I was sure of, was the millions of feelings that I couldn't understand. All of them at the same time, my thoughts were crashing against the other before my brain could understand any of this insecurities that grounded inside of me.
And I knew, that if I had to die anyway, at least I'll fight him with everything I could, whatever it will take me. I was ready for the worse anyway.
And he already had the better of me.
Where begin this story ? Let me tell you. When my life was sad, too comfortable because of my single minded twisted brain, I met him.
When my life was too good for my disorder, I met him, and by a smile, he started to dictate when the sun was raising and setting. He was my whole. Before him, life had no meaning, no reason to be destroyed. A fought do hard already all thoses years for stability, I didn't. Needed him... But I felt different. I felt alive. I felt like I needed and wanted his hand around my thighs, my throat, and be a good girl just for him... But that was all he needed, the most deep and twisted of my feelings was left on the side. Because once again; I was too much.
A mortal who feels too much? Ironic, No ? I mean for a shadow creature* to know what it feels is normal, but for a human...it's just day to day life...but Izzy was different. More honest, deeper, more intense and with a capacity to love and protect someone that was scary for everyone that was near her. She couldn't control anything. And yet she started to be a better person for him.
That, time will decide.
Time will say.
And Lizzie won't stop trying what she knew best, being loud and here. Maybe annoying but honest and full, ready to rise up against the core of hell.
But to defend against a mortal like Lizzie a God was required.
Tonight Adam took mountains and earth. Splitting continents against God and his nature.
Adam took babies in the sea,
And fought in fire and bombs against the burning sun.
Adam, him too was rising against Lizzie. Both by fear and ego...
But Adam felt like he was fighting against mermaids or Lilith.
And Izzy felt like she gave herself like Persephone.
Adam took his legion, walked by the dark water where a nest of souls was waiting for an opportunity to be freed.
On the other hand Izzie was calm, the weather by the lake was calm, heavy, and before she had the time to breathe a heavy rain started pouring down on her, but the rain was warm, thick, and when she opened her eyes she saw herself covered in blood and began to scream at top of her lungs trying to convince herself that she wasn't crazy.
And she wasn't.
he reached out to her.
He didn't knew where she was. But he knew she was there. And he'll find her. Because after all, she still have him her soul.
And he wanted his due.
He was going to search for her. With all his strength. And she was going to stand up against him with all her heart.
Elizabeth was contemplating herself in this Mirror, not really sure of who she was anymore, she crossed that line already, she didn't knew what she really wanted, or who she was anymore. All she knew is that the only thing that still made her stand up was him. She didn't knew why she needed him. She didn't knew why she was ready to cry that much for him, to loose herself so much, to accept that the sun goes up and down with him. She only knew that she should kept her soul. She gave up on logic, self respect, love and everything that was making her. Everything was his. With that only exception that was her soul.
And Lizzie was ready to fight to keep that. Even if the girl in the mirror right know wasn't really her, that the weapons she carries weren't made for her. But she was still standing.
And she was ready to give her life against him.
On his side Adam wasn't the most open with his emotions, his place did not really have him access to a free range of emotions. He had to do what his older dictate him. Even in hell hierarchy is a big thing.
He knew that everything was just games, but when he came to her, or most importantly her soul, all his ego was screaming at him to finish the job. Above anything, he wanted that. Above any contract. He needed that promise to be fullfil. He couldn't be the idiot that fell for a human.
So Adam, him too, was ready to stand up to the vicious little plant that was Elizabeth. He wanted the last thing from her that he couldn't possess at that time.
And he was ready to take her life for that.
But how them both will still affront each other was a question that was still remaining.
Because something in the young woman was feeling scared and reluctant to everything that Adam represents. Because he was the only one that could make her laugh so hard in the day and that made her cry so hard at night.
Trying to be as silent as possible. As little as possible. Because if with all her soul she loved him, she accepted the fact that she hated herself for it. He was dictating each of her meltdown. Each of her decision. How much she accepted to feel, to open herself to the world, or just to don't drown into the nothingness. Her soul was the last thing, the only thing he didn't have. Maybe broken but still hers.
And if she had to feel nothing at all at least she won't cry over him. Sure she won't be herself. But a life of nothing seemed easier than a life full of sorrows...
At least right now.
