The lost continent

Chapter 18

“Eijirou! Eijirou!” Bakugou screams, pressing into the wound in his chest. The blood rushes through his fingertips, and Kirishima’s healthy tan turns pale. His chest feels real beneath his hands, and Kirishima’s fingers wrapping around his wrists make him panic.

“Why?” Kirishima asks. “I thought you loved me, Katsuki? How could you?”

Bakugou heaves, he stands up fast, shaking his head. “I- I didn’t! It wasn’t- Kirishima, I-”

“Katsuki…” Kirishima says, and Bakugou’s heart breaks. “You killed them, didn’t you? You let them die? And now it’s my turn?”

“No!” Bakugou screams. He screams it over and over, his fingers tearing into his hair, pulling in anger. “No! No! No!”

"Katsuki.”

" No!”

" Captain!”

“No!”

“Captain!”

Bakugou chokes his words, suddenly aware of himself. Kirishima’s hands are around his wrists, pulling them away from his head. He looks so panicked and concerned it makes Bakugou feel bitter- he wasn’t the one needing fucking protection when his dream self was out there killing Kirishima.

Bakugou shakes his hands away.

Kirishima frowns.

“It’s just a dream.” Bakugou says. He doesn’t know if he says it for Kirishima, or for himself.

---

Kirishima is finished his night shift, and Shouji relieves his position until the late morning. He trudges, tired, bidding him and Tokoyami goodnight as he walks into Bakugou’s quarters. He’s expecting to shed his clothes and slip into bed, but Bakugou is up at his desk.

“You’re awake?” Kirishima asks. Bakugou looks tired, bags heavy under his eyes. He feels tired too. When it’s not Bakugou’s nightmares waking him up, it’s his own, slowly fading but startling enough. There’s guilt on his heart about the life he took, though all in all he’s dealing with it much better than he expected. Either way, there’s been a lot on his mind since then, what with figuring out his moral grounds all over again.

“I have to talk to you.” Bakugou says, his voice distant. Kirishima wonders if it’s the tiredness, or if there’s something wrong.

"Okay.” Kirishima says. He clasps his hands behind his back, and stretches his arms. Bakugou looks him up and down.

“You should sleep in your own bunk.”

The words don’t register at first. Kirishima opens his mouth, uncertain. Any thoughts he had fly from his mind, and he’s left speechless.

"I keep waking you up.” Bakugou says.

“Oh!” Kirishima says, relief flooding over him. He almost brings a hand over his heart. He walks over to Bakugou’s desk to lean on it. He glances at his work. He’s been practicing his writing. “Bakugou, it’s okay, really. I just wish you weren’t so bothered by them.”

Bakugou looks up at him, his face unreadable. It usually is, unless he’s  angry, but Kirishima likes to think he knows him a little better, now.

“I promise.” Kirishima says. He leans down to kiss him, heart thrumming as he does so, as it does when he initiates quiet affections such as these. “I don’t mind.”

Bakugou sighs. He looks unconvinced but he snuffs out the candle on his desk and takes Kirishima’s hand. “Alright, then.”

Kirishima makes sure to curl into him as he falls asleep. He thinks about the worry stone under Bakugou’s pillow, and how he hopes and prays that it would just work . Kirishima has kept it there despite the lack of change in Bakugou, holding onto the slim chance that the weak power it held would somehow ease Bakugou’s mind.

Kirishima thinks his wishes paid off for a moment, because they’ve had a few peaceful nights. But if it was working it was at the expense of Bakugou’s behaviour. He’s bitter and scowling, much more so than usual. Sero says that he’s always like that, but Kirishima notices the change.

By the end of the week he’s stopped touching his hip as he passes, or kissing him quick before he goes on shift. It makes Kirishima’s stomach turn, and the words “You should sleep in your own bunk” ring over and over in his mind.

He leans his arm against the stair rail. He’s sitting at the top as Mina steers, the stars of the night sky shining bright above them, leading their way. Monoma is lazing in the ropes just above them, supposed to be on look-out but too bored to be alone.

Kirishima runs a hand over his face. Did Hagakure mess up what stone she gave him? Did he curse himself with his own worries?

“Stop sighing, it’s annoying.” Monoma drawls out. Kirishima looks up at him. He’s like a cat, the way he hangs in the makeshift hammock, limbs sprawled out like he owns the place. “Is this because of your master? You know he gets bored of his toys, right? They get too loose and he needs to toss them aside.”

“Monoma!” Mina scolds him. “You asshole. Kiri, don’t fucking listen to him. Bakugou’s just being a pissbaby.”

“Not fit to lead.” Monoma mumbles. Kirishima wonders why he’s so adverse to someone he obviously agreed to sail with.

“I heard that!” Mina says. “God, you better fucking watch your shit-ass mouth, Monoma, it’ll get you-”

He zones out as Mina and Monoma bicker back and forth. Kirishima snorts, but there isn’t much energy behind it. He’s heard handfuls of Bakugou’s past, so he knows he’s a current partner that’s come after a long, long list of those before. Was that it? He was bored of him? Kirishima fidgets. They hadn’t had sex since they got back from the tavern. Was he no good anymore? Was he bad at it? Did Bakugou hope for him to get better, but he just… wasn’t any good? Was he not...tight enough, anymore? Could that even happen??

Kirishima blushes thinking about it, both embarrassed and ashamed.

But maybe it wasn’t even that? Maybe he wasn’t contributing enough on the ship? Every job he could do, there was someone more appropriate for it, their expertise more impressive than his own.

“Kiri!” Mina’s shout cuts through his thoughts. “Fuck, you’re both so annoying.”

“Sorry.” Kirishima says, genuine.

“You and Bakugou, I mean. That rat doesn’t even get acknowledgement.” Mina sniffs. Kirishima looks up, and Monoma’s no longer hanging in the ropes.

“Did… did you push him off?” Kirishima asks, half serious.

Mina scowls. “Should have. He’s been fucking shady, lately. I think it’s time Bakugou cut him from the crew.”

“Really?” Kirishima asks, surprised.

Mina just looks ahead, pissed. “Bakugou’s fucking stompin’ around so much I can’t even work on deciphering those journals with him. And you’re fuckin’ useless on the deck because if you’re in a bad mood, heaven help the rest of us.”

“Mina, what’s wrong?” Kirishima asks. “Why’s he being like this? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“Fuck. He’s probably just trying to keep his fucking image or something. You don’t fuckin deserve that, Kiri, after all you’ve done for us.” Mina sighs.

Kirishima rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t know if I’ve done that m- ”

“You literally saved Bakugou’s life. Did you forget? Did he forget?” Mina interrupts him in a huff. “God if he keeps this up I’m gonna run him to the ground.”

Kirishima laughs. Bakugou was the captain, sure, but Mina was more suited to be the quartermaster than the first mate.

When he heads to bed that night, Bakugou is already beneath the furs. Kirishima undresses quietly, and slides in next to him. He leans over him, brushing his hair from his face. He looks so troubled, lately. Kirishima’s unsure if he’s truly asleep or not, but he presses a kiss to his cheek anyways before he turns around and closes his eyes.