BounPrem Is Real?

9. Can we try again?

Unedited.

"Baby, wait- just wai-"

"Why should i wait? What do you think of yourself? huh?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"P'New likes you and you finally like him too!" 

"Prem-w-what- do you hear yourself right now?" 

"Is it very unimaginable? With the way your behavior has been in the past weeks? When was the last time we had a civil conversation? Your face doesn't even light up when you see me and then I come to see you and our director laughing and talking, what am I supposed to think?"

"I am so so sorry" Boun pulls his lover into his embrace. 

"I can't believe I'm having to say this but... I don't think we're going to make it." Prem says with his head on his lover's shoulder, his arms unmoving, his own shoulder's slumped and his eyes brimming with tears. 

"No-no baby don't say that-" 

It takes Prem all of his strength to pull away from the warm embrace of his man, one he craved and failed to get. "Boun, listen to me." He begins to reason, very calmly.  

Boun looks down at the man in front of him, tears running down his cheeks, looking lost, feeling shunned. 

"I know you don't like him and he definitely doesn't like you, that is crystal but imagine what it made me feel when I saw you relaxed- just not with me. We spoke about giving each other space but you just abandoned me- that's what makes me so mad. If you had a problem with it - you should've told me, what happened to all that communication? I want to know what stopped you? After 2 years do I or do I not deserve that much?!" 

"I guess I'm not all that, what do you think happened? I felt rejected by you! You don't just get sick of someone you love!" 

"WHEN DID I SAY THAT I GOT SICK OF YOU BOUN? ALL I EVER SAID WAS WE SHOULD GET SOME SPACE!!" 

"WHICH IS A POLITE WAY OF SAYING THE VERY SAME THING!!" 

"OH MY GOD, Who said that? And if you were feeling that way why not tell me? Because when you feel rejected you tend to take a step back? You think I don't know that about you baby? I do which is why I tried time and again to bring it up and talk to you but you just cut me off whilst seeing me like there is nothing wrong! That you're okay with everything! WHO FUCKING DOES THAT??" 

"I am sorry I am such a coward." 

As if suddenly everything clicked in Prem's head on hearing Boun call himself a coward, Prem took a step back in disbelief, this feeling clawing at his chest, the tears now just blurring his vision and falling off. 

"Phi...." he drawls out in a pained voice, "I can be brave, communicative. pushy, not one to give up easily, I can do it all, if you think you're a coward, I don't need you to change for me, you being a coward with this is not what is so hurtful and bothersome, you silently resenting me is."

The words of this 1.79m of a man were a slap in the face. A reality check. 

 "I don't resent you, I don't resent you, I don't resent you." He cries into his hands, now bawling like a child. 

"You don't want to but you do, we reached where we never thought we'd set foot into. Boun, baby, I am so sorry that I made you feel this way. You're right, how could I want space when I'm in love, I wouldn't if we didn't work together, I just didn't wanna forget how to value you." 

"No- don't say that, it is immature I know - there is nothing truly wrong with wanting space especially more so because we work together-"

"It's not immature, it's totally okay to feel that way, everyone functions differently, I feel wanted by you when you're not bothered by us seeing each other all day, but I would have liked to have heard that from you - when did we get this bad that we couldn't even tell each other that much? It feels like you just gave up on us! You're allowed to feel hurt P'Boun, but you're not allowed to go through it alone. Fight with me or for me, but don't give up on me!" 

"Can we try again? Not right away if you don't want-"

"I want to. I want to try but I don't want to hold onto something that has passed. If this happens organically, I'm down, but if not-" Prem pauses and sighs.

"We part ways." Boun nods. "I don't want to though" He adds, making Prem crash his body into him in a hug.

They stay like that with each other's heads buried in the other's shoulders, their heart heavy, noses running, eyes moist, heaviness in their throats and their grips strong on each other. They're exhausted yet fearful of losing one another. They still have that between them. Maybe that is hope enough to keep two people together. 

"Baby...."

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to part ways with you either." 

Their lips meet in a sweet yet salty kiss. It is soft and wet- but as their mouths move against each other their hearts fill up with joy and comfort. The uncertainty still there but a sense of relief- stability surrounding them - familiarity in these lips, in these arms, of this torso. They're home.  

Here's an update! This chapter wasn't too long but I wanted to put out what needed to be said between the two. Would love to hear your thoughts.

I HOPE EVERYONE OUT THERE IS SAFE AND CONTENT. <3 

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Love, 

Thiea