Supernatural X Reader One Shots (Editing)

A/N I'm tired.... so very tired

Trigger Warning
I go into some detail about my life here and to be honest, it's not pretty. I've been through some shit.
Things mentioned
SA
Parental Abv$3
Gaslighting
Brainwashing
Religious trauma
Neglect
Victim blaming
Pred protection
As**lt

I'm sorry I had to get this out.

Know that I say this with the conviction of someone who's been bottling up over 20 years of trauma to the point that trying to work through ANY "negative" emotions is harder than pulling your own teeth out with nothing but your fingers and sheer force of will.
Please, for the love of God. Make me cry.
Please.
I've been suffering for so long. I've been beaten, bruised, gaslit, manipulated, ignored, hated, screamed at, neglected, assaulted, picked apart, cut, brainwashed, burned, passed over, and passed up.
I've had too little privacy, and too much privacy.
People who're supposed to love me have turned their backs on me, villainized me as a victim and protected my abusers, they've ignored my agony and punished me for being traumatized, mocked me for it, and abandoned me because of it.
I've had to cut out most of the people I've ever known because they'd rather see me dead than happy.
My own father protected the predator that (metaphorically) tore me open with his own FUCKING teeth, picked apart my insides, set fire to heart and lungs and then once the flames were out and I couldn't feel anymore continued to eat me alive and left me to pick up the pieces and figure out how to live without feeling my own goddamned chest anymore.
He made excuses for the narcissistic, controlling, monster that basically left me a shell of a human with no ability to feel anything but agony.
My mom wasn't around when I was growing up so she wasn't there to stop the bitch from hitting me over the head with a peanut butter jar, or beating me black and blue multiple times and didn't stop until CPS was called and we were forced to move. She wasn't there to see how I turned to starving myself and forcing myself to throw up anything I did eat. She wasn't there to see how I cried myself to sleep or prayed to an all ignoring God for things to change.
She wasn't there until it was too late.
The damage was already done.
I had no privacy.
I had no friends.
I had no solace, or joy, or even a willingness to survive.
I literally drift through life wondering when I'll finally be put out of my misery.
I'm in mental, physical, and emotional agony every SECOND of every DAY.
So please. Make me cry.
I don't mean say mean shit.
I don't mean remind me of the past.
I don't even mean tell me about how fucked up the world is now.
I mean, send me your most depressing, soul sucking, agony inducing music you can find.
Send me the fuckin video of the kid telling the story of how you killed yourself and your family had to live without you with kiss the rain in the background, send me the 9/11 heaven tribute video. Send me tribute videos for the Halloween massacre in Las Vegas, send me tribute videos for Gaza and Palestine. Send me the Ukraine tribute videos, send me the saddest shit you can think of.

Make me cry until there's no more pain.

Please.