His Daughter

Chapter 13

Greg didn't know for how long he sat there, lonely on the bed while looking at the nearby wall; consumed by his thoughts. It hurt, having to try and reassure himself that his life had not been a complete lie. He didn't have any hard proof for anything happening, just a part of a private conversation Gabbie could have had with, well, anybody. Only... no matter him much would he try to reaffirm his belief that he misinterpreted what was going on, he could not get rid of the dark thoughts dragging him down. It's been only hours... Hours since he was attacked by any phantom hallucination created by his mind. Hours since the fear and despair and just as it seemed he would have enough room to breathe, to reconcile, to fix whatever he had fucked up another part of his life would tumble down like a house of cards. How was he supposed to even focus on the quite big likelihood of him having a mental disorder with something like that in the picture? He didn't know... Like a sole sailor on a sinking ship, he didn't know what to try and save as the boat sunk deeper and deeper. He was worried about Jenny, the probability of her having the very same disorder as him.

"If she is your daughter, that is..." the traitorous whispering tug at his heart. He was sick, he was almost sure of it and a sudden possibility of his wife filing for divorce and taking his (his?) kid away scared him. Where would he go? Where does a schizophrenic, or whatever it was, go without a family to take care of him? His brother and father was long dead. Mother? Probably dead as well given her history. Tara? Like she would help him... Thet left Gabbie and Jenny, his probably cheating wife and his maybe daughter. The only option was not to say anything. Maybe it was for the better? Maybe he could ignore what he heard and still live in a blissful unawareness. But... would he be able to love Gabbie the way he did before? Would he be able to live with the possibility of another man having defiled his wife, possibly giving life to Greg's daughter? That left Greg with nothing. If that was the case, he was not a father or a husband... He was nobody.

He was alone.

His sickness would eat away at him until he wouldn't be able to work and would be forced to live on the streets. He could already see it, Gabbie divorced with a handsome, yet faceless man on her side. Jenny would call him "Dad" maybe because he would be her real dad or maybe because her real dad hit her... It made him sick; his stomach churning as the scenarios passed through his head. Acknowledging it, speaking about it would mean he is losing everything he has and everything he could have, just for a piece of cold truth that will hurt him more. But wasn't he already hurt? Hadn't life hurt him enough?

Greg sat in silence, his life flashing before his eyes; the memories devoid of colour and light, faces in the pictures suddenly more heartbreaking than warming. Only one question circulated through his mind.

"Would he still love them?"

A knock startled him from his thoughts. Gabbie entered the room cautiously, glass of water in one hand, muttering an awkward "hi". She was all dressed up, the mom jeans clinging to her legs creating a nice contrast with a floral loose shirt.

-We are going groceries with Jenny.- she informed him, putting the glass of water on the bedside table. – I wanted her to get away from this place for a little while, is that ok with you?

Greg nodded, not really hearing her much. It was ok. He would have space to think, to move and to breathe without the risk of being caught with his mask off and heart split open.

-Are you sure? I mean, you could go with us if you want...

-No...- Greg rasped out. – You were right... she needs some space. Buy her something nice...- he mumbled. Gabbie shot him an unsure look as if debating what to say, before speaking up just to kill the silence of the room.

-You should drink something... It's good for headaches...

-I will...- Greg lied. He was not going to drink that, feeling nauseous at the mere thought of any matter entering his system. Gabbie watched him for a little while, before backing away and out of the room, closing the door behind her.