The Left Mind is the space where our thoughts pardon each damage done to us, which always ends up destroying us. It gives kindness and when nothing comes in return, forgives and moves on with a never healing scar inside.
The Right Mind knows what it wants, it is sure and has this overgrown power that makes us proud of ourselves and makes us realize our worth as women.
So, what happens when these collide against each other after a breakup?
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"Why are you crying, Yulie?" The voice speaks from behind.
My numb mind and bones can't seem to recognize the pain I'm in. Maybe I've suffered enough, maybe I was just a girl. Maybe, I was just tired of everything around me, but, you know what? I didn't even know the reason for this painful drought I felt inside me. With my eyes closed, I look for a reason to feel this way just to justify my salty horrible tears i've dropped.
"Do I know?" I say, with a strain of agony in my deep voice.
"Well, you must've felt it, so now, your tears may be the result of an experience you'll never forget." The voice says.
Oh, those words, those were the only words I've ought to listen through the roughest days, through those days when I had to admit my defeat and be honest with myself. Be the one where, becoming self aware was the reason why I became a people pleaser and a fairy to everyone, commanding all their wishes.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm too vulnerable to love. Everyone and everything hurts me in a way I can't explain without crying my soul out."
"Do you love yourself?"
There it is.
The question I always avoid and ask myself on a daily basis. I wanna say yes confidently, but something deep inside me tells me I'm just talking shit to feel better about myself. Something, in the middle of my still beating heart, tells me I owe my self-esteem to him.
"Yea, I do," I say.
"Why did his name cross your mind when this inquiry talks about you?
I stay speechless, unable to answer my right mind. My right mind is always the correct one, but right now, i'm on my left, i'm on the one that excuses everyone and everything, that lets herself get used and damaged.
"I feel like I owe something to him."
Then my eyeballs start watering again, but this time it feels different. It doesn't feel like tears, it feels more like rage, insufficient expressions let out, screams bottled in to seem pleasing to others.
"Do you?"
I don't. I know really well I gave him this part of me he never appreciated and made his own.
"I never did, I was just naive." I finished answering.
YOU ARE READING
Teenage Girl Diaries #1
PoetryThis, my girls, was created for you and your feelings. For things you can't express, for unsaid words that had to be swallowed under someone's or your own regime. Here, my thoughts and delusions will be expressed to merge with yours and become one o...
