twenty-one-year-old, Ivone (ee-von) Flowers, is a hard-working college senior with plans to not only graduate but move out from her parent's home as her journey of adulthood begins.
but one day, as she was walking to her next class, she spotted some...
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WE HADN'T SPOKEN IN A WEEK.
After our coffee hangout, Peter stopped responding to my messages. I hadn't seen him on campus nor at the Duo office. According to the secretary, he took the week off. She couldn't tell me anymore due to privacy reasons, but she shared my same concern that something is wrong.
A week ago, Peter had confirmed my doubtful suspicions. I had ended up crying while he confusingly asked me what was wrong. And without hesitation I began recounting our shared history.
I explained to him my gobsmacked reaction—wide eyes, stuttering, and a cascaded of tears escaping my eyes while trying to quickly brush them away— his eyebrows squished together and his face flushed at my words. It was as if he was trying his hardest to process what I told him. That the similarities I shared with the young girl in that photo was not coincidental, and that I was her.
And that he was him.
The young boy I spent years thinking of.
He seemed to take the news well despite that reaction. Hugging me tightly, looking me deep in my eyes and expressing how happy he is. But behind those words and actions, was a distant look. He looked lost, but also pained.
I didn't question it. For some reason, I understood. We didn't have much time to really speak more about it as our agendas for the day began. That night I had sent a follow up text, but he hadn't responded. I tried again the next day, but I never heard back and decided to give up despite my anxious mind.
My heart was aching. I wanted to talk to him. To figure this out. To ask more questions. To know more about him and calm the storm in my heart. It felt like a rejection and I was fighting to accept it. I did everything I could this week of no contact.
I stayed later at the open gyms for volleyball, I studied harder, and I kept busy at work. But for some reason, I woke up in the mornings checking my phone and staying up as late as possible to see if he'd respond. I had grown way too attached to him.
This was the all too familiar limerant cycle.
I had done this cycle in the past. Clinging onto someone who wanted nothing to do with me or was using my interest as their validation. But as much as I wanted to claim this situation to be a one-sided obsession, deep down I knew that it wasn't the case.
Something about that look in his eye told me so. But unfortunately I may never find out.
As a way to distract myself, I've been offering to cook dinner for the family. I've taken over the shopping as part of the offer and I was currently looking for smoked paprika. I had wracked the Publix shelf several times, hoping that my eyes simply overlooked it but the more I did the less certain i felt. This would be the third store I drove to trying to find this spice.
