Acquaintances

4. Past. Not future.

The year he moved out of our society and my life, was hard. His family had sold that bungalow and moved to a small apartment on rent after a huge financial loss.

The struggle of his next few years in his personal life and in cricket to compete with Nepotism, corruption and being recognized for his talent had me shook. I didn't speak, just letting him vent his heart out. It fell like this was the first time he was narrating this part of his life, with words unable to express the depth of his emotions.

"And that's how I ended up here." He said, as I nodded trying to keep my tears inside. We were done eating and were driving towards the airport.

"Weren't you the guy scared of clowns and roller coasters?" I said, as he sarcastically chuckles. "And you went through all that and survived." I said as he turned to look at me with new found respect.

"People don't think of it, that way."

"I do. From the spoiled brat and only son of a well off business family to life of one bedroom for whole family, part time job, public transport, long lines and all that you endured. It maybe common for others, but you and what you came from... I'm soo proud of you, Shubh. For not giving up."

"I gave up on a lot of things." He said as his hand opened up before me. I sat there confused as he parked the car and chuckled. "Cricketers don't bite, you know."

I slipped my hand over his as he tightened his grip on me.

"You have a girlfriend." I said, my heart pounding in my ears.

"She's... it's complicated. But I want to give us a chance. A fair chance, Preet." He said as I shook my head.

"I will fly home today, Shubh." I said trying my best to avoid attention to that nickname again.

Preet

It meant attachment. It was a name he had picked up from one of the Hindi daily soaps his mom used to watch. He had found the word beautiful and decided to make it a name for me.

"You have my phone number?" He stated in a way it looked like a question.

"Long distance relationships never work."

"Relationships don't work when you don't give them time, effort and attention. Distance... Well someone once told me, distance makes the heart grow fonder." He says looking at me with eyes full of love bending towards me as I shake my head.

"Again. You have a girlfriend, Shubh." I say as he pulls away from me.

"It's complicated, Preet. She's..."

"She's a woman. A person. And the Shubman I knew wouldn't do it to anybody." I say as he didn't meet my eyes. "Open the trunk. I'll get my luggage." I said as he got out of the car and went to the back taking out my suitcase. 

"Can I atleast get a hug?" He asks, as I nod.

"Yes, you can." I say as he puts his arms around me.

"Don't judge me... but it's... just physical between me and... uhmm..." he whispers unable to meet my eyes as I leave the warmth of his hug to take a step back.

There was slight disgust in my heart, but this was a metropolitan. I came from small cities where the concept of sharing our bodies for fun seemed a huge deal. Atleast in the place where I grew up.

How much had he changed?

Sharing a bed when you feel nothing for the other person was something I would never think of him doing.

I mustered up a smile and patted his arm.

"It's okay. Cricketers aren't my type either. We're better off as friends." I say as he nods and opens the handle of the suitcase as I take it from him.

"Call me and inform when you reach home."

"Sure." I said and turned to walk away. Every stepped felt heavier than the last and every breath I took congested my chest tighter and tighter.

We were not a match.

I was a veterinarian always needed around for emergencies. He travelled the world for his game. I wouldn't be around to celebrate his wins and comfort him in his loss, which I hoped from the bottom of my heart he never faces.

I prayed to God to give him a life full of blessings, love and victory.

But I prayed to God to give me the strength to make the logical decision. Like he always has.

If I get over my head and think this is good for me, our differences will slide in and he'll hate me.

I can never live in a world where Shubman Gill hates me. I however can live in a world, where sometimes he forgets that I exist.

I didn't turn to look back but I could see his reflection in the glass door among the lights of the night.

His face or his gaze was unreadable but I could make out his silhouette looking at me walking away.

Like I had stood watching his father's car drive away from our street just behind the truck that had their belongings all those years ago.

There was no guarantee that we will ever meet again.

It wasn't him this time. It was me.

But time and distance had eroded the mountains that connected the valleys to our hearts. Now there was just a void of being soo different from what we were all those years ago.

His favorite food was different and so was his diet plan that the team's fitness coordinator gave him.

He wasn't the man that loved wearing a Kadha, the symbol of strength worn around our wrist for every Sikh family.  There was a beautiful Rolex resting there.

He was The Shubman Gill, but he wasn't my sweet innocent Shubh anymore.

Nor was I, his Preet.

So much had happened since that day.

And we couldn't go back even if we wanted to.

That ship had long sailed.

I would be an idiot to fuel the fire of our want knowing it will burn us to ashes.