My poems

Care

You don't care. You don't care how I feel when you reach for me, grab for me. Don't care how your unwanted touch feels like sickness seeping deep into my skin that makes me want to tear away at my flesh.

What does it matter what I want? A child and an adult whenever the need arises, all on your whims. My comfort means nothing if it means you can touch me as you wish, so touch starved from your youth, you care not if others feel the same way as you.

Touch, and pulling, and sqeazzing however you wish while I simply have to take it. I have to take it cause you never grew up. Never opened your eyes long from a tantrum to care about someone other than you. It is always you. And it doesn't matter how often I try to replace that boundary between us, old blood under my nails and cords plunked from my skin used to try and replace what you refuse to acknowledge, because you don't care. Don't care how I rip away at my own flesh in the vain hope of a reprieve from my own revulsion at being something for you to use to feel better.

No it's constantly 'stay quiet', 'why aren't you speaking', 'speak louder', 'quiet yelling'. 'I'm tired of your attitude' whenever I simply respond, chest empty of my heart because I knew better than to bring it home, so my voice echoes the empty chamber and that means I'm giving attitude. You don't care that the voice that comes out is simply an empty reply, echoing from the space between my ribs. The words bounce off the bones, rattling them like inmates in a prison, screaming to come out, but only finding their way when they've one foot in the grave. I replay with a simple "Okay."

'Okay' because that's all I can ever be, all you ever want to hear from me when your not commanding "Sing birdie sing."

And I'm so tired of being your puppet on a string, legs lifted high into the air as you make me leap and bend, but I can never win. I can never get you to let me go long enough so I can breath, I wish one of us would just leave. That's we just go away, but instead I have to stay because society made it impossible. So all I can do is try to keep you at Bay.

I'm so tired. Tired of the everyday, I just want to fade away. I want to curl so far into myself that I become like a snake that ate itself. Want my body to break down, crying out "It's okay now" as I sink below the waves my heart beats against my mind, not worrying about the time. All I need to worry about is being adrift and even then it'll only be where to next.