We Only Had Volleyball?

Chapter 4

The first few weeks back at school, since his injury occured, were hard. His shoulder still ached and it was hard to do anything with the amount of strapping he had to endure, not to mention how hot it made him feel. His precious break times with Hinata were constantly interrupted, as streams of students kept coming up to share their opinions on his injury. To say how sorry they were to hear he was hurt, and muttering to themselves about the volleyball teams chances at winning tournaments, now that he wasn't able to play. They thought he couldn't hear them, as the whispered their doubts, burdening more guilt upon him about his own stupidity that got him injured. It was beginning to really get on his nerves. These were the few precious minutes he got to spend alone with Hinata outside of Volleyball practice, and he didn't even have that. Not now that he couldn't be a part of the team.

He had been along to one practice, at Hinata's insistence, but he had hated it. Just walking into the gym was hard. The smell of the place brought forth memories and guilt, with every whiff of volleyballs, sweat and cooling spray, as it lingered in the air around him, making him frustrated as he thought he no longer felt like belonged here. He didn't belong in this world of volleyball anymore, as if it had just abandoned him now that he was broken. Just sitting there, not being able to do anything while watching everyone else play was like a torture, no matter how well meaning the suggestion might have been. He just sat there, getting angrier and angrier, as his teammates just tip toed around him, afraid that he might still snap at them and avoided asking him about his shoulder. 'Who were they kidding,' he thought. 'I know they want to ask,' no longer amused at how the danced around the issue. He could see them glancing at it, when they thought he wasn't looking. Those looks of pity, that they threw his way, thinly disguising the disgust and anger they felt at him amongst layers of concern. That wasn't the worst thing for Kageyama. What had made the experience so infuriating was having to watch someone else play his position as setter, to see someone else setting the balls up high for Hinata. It was his job, no one else was allowed to do it. Hinata belonged to no one but him. He couldn't just watch, as the jealousy he was feeling burned him up inside, while he got further depressed about how the situation had arisen out of his own stupidity. It wasn't fair on the other setter, he decided, to have him constantly sitting on the side lines, glaring at him with eyes that burned with jealousy, with envy, so he didn't go back. No matter how much Hinata begged, he refused to set foot back in that gym, even if that meant he had to sacrifice walking home with Hinata afterwards, something they had done even before their current relationship had begun. He could tell that Hinata was disappointed at his decision, but he was stubborn. Refusing to give into Hinata's demands, no matter how much he whined about it. To go back was like being constantly slapped in the face with the reality of his own mistakes. He just didn't want to deal with that day after day. Kageyama couldn't see past the emotions raging in his own mind, to see how much Hinata was hurting too.

It didn't take long for the distance between Kageyama and his teammates....former teammates, to grow. He began to ignore the messages they sent, until finally they stopped flashing on his phone. He even subconsciously, began to pull away from Hinata, finding excuses not to have lunch together, hiding someplace he couldn't be found. Excuses turned into cancelled promises and once he began with them, the easier it become to have them, slide off his tongue. Eventually they hardly spent any time together at all, not that Kageyama noticed. Those lunch breaks he had zealously fought for so that he could be alone with Hinata, to sit and listen to his voice as it prattled about volleyball and just relax.....evaporated. He knew deep down that he was running away, but he didn't care, just wanting to be away from everything that reminded of volleyball. Avoiding everything and everyone that still connected him to the sport he loved, but could no longer play, even if that meant pushing Hinata away too. He couldn't see the consequences of his actions, too caught up in the hurt that he was feeling right now, to see how he was hurting everyone else around him.

Hinata soon got frustrated with Kageyama's behaviour. Not liking being pushed away, or the way Kageyama was clamming up and not talking about anything to him anymore, not even the mundane everyday stuff. It wasn't just their teammates who were struggling to get replies to messages, even Hinata at times was ignored by Kageyama, despite wanting to be his support, his shoulder to lean on. Kageyama kept pushing him away every time he tried to offer his support, till finally Hinata began to push back, getting sick of the whole ordeal, and the hurt it was causing him. He confronted Kageyama, demanding that he tell him what was going inside that stupid head of his. It was to no avail, Kageyama, just stood there staring straight ahead, not listening as Hinata spoke. His brows become more furrowed, his eyes glazing over in anger as he was forced to endure listening to Hinata prattle on about how everyone was worried about him, how they all cared and wanted to help. That they missed his presence at volleyball practice. It was too much for Kageyama, he had had enough of their words, their concern. 'How could they know how he was feeling' he thought angrily, as words that he would latter regret just tumbled out of his mouth, aiming them straight at Hinata.

From then on, he never saw Hinata again. He never sought Kageyama out at lunchtimes, or sent him messages. All that had previously still kept them connected was broken and yet Kageyama couldn't see it. Caught up in his own anger, despair and frustration. He didn't see the need to apologise or that he had done anything that warranted an apology. He didn't chase after Hinata, but instead his disappearance from his side just added further fuel to the dark thoughts that lingered in Kageyama's mind. 'He was replaceable, not just on the volleyball court. Something that was broken and easily discarded......'