Full Ride

Chapter 3

(Not edited)

Weeks later there I stood before my parents cascet. They looked so cold and lifeless there. "Why.." I bowed my head down and felt a hand rub my back. I wanted to cry, but I was tired of crying.

I looked up and looked at everyone. They all had their heads down and were wearing black. I felt like we were all in a very dark ocean. Not swimming, not struggling. Just sitting there sinking.

I didn't want to look at my dead parents any longer. I dropped off my flowers and walked to a nearby tree that was by a lake. I rested my shoulder on the tree and stared at the lake. I wanted to get in the water and float away. Float away from all my pain.

"We can leave now if you want." My grandma's voice scared me away from my thoughts. I turned to look at her and she was smiling holding her clutch.

"Yeah, let's go." I Gave one last look towards my parents and seen they were slowing putting them into the holes. My heart felt like it shattered. I bit my tongue to keep from crying and looked away.

Biting down to hard, I could taste the saltiness of the blood. I got into my grandmas car and stared out the window, avoiding to look over at my parents. I know they wanted me, I know they need me, and I know they miss me.

I just wanted to be with them. We drove on the quiet streets leaving the funeral. "I should have stayed, I should have said goodbye." I said loud enough for my grandma to hear.

"Oh dear, don't worry. In fact I bet they've heard you." I smiled a little, knowing they are watching over me now. "Thank you Grandma." I looked at her and she looked over at me and back on the road. She put her hand on my leg. "You're more than welcome sweety."

We got to her home and I got out. I waited for grandma as she went into the trunk grabbing a bag. I didn't know what was inside. She opened the door for us and I went straight to my room. I still didn't finish unpacking, but I never had the energy to do so.

I took off my clothes and threw them on my messily made bed. I went into my bathroom and turned the shower on until it was steaming. I liked when the bathroom steamed up. I sat on the floor for a while waiting for the mirror to steam up, so I can draw on them.

Still waiting I looked in the cabinets that were in the bottom. There were bandages, tampons, and tissue there. I closed it up and looked at the mirror and it was ready. I used my index finger to draw a heart in the center of the mirror. Below the heart I put "I love you." And drew a stick figure of me, my mom, and my dad.

It made me feel happy and I got into the shower. The hot water loosened my tensed muscles as I stood underneath the heavy water. I ran my fingers through my wet hair, and that's when I broke down. I fell to my knees and sobbed loudly.

"Why?! Its not fair!" I slammed both my hands on the floor of the tub again and again until the side of my hands were bruised. It felt good to realease some anger by hurting myself.

I sat there feeling the hot water drip off my body. I grabbed the soap and stood up to wash my body. The soap was slippery. I managed to keep a grip on it. I rinsed the suds off my body and got the shampoo to wash my hair.

I sniffed it and it smelled like coconut. I hated coconut so I just washed my hair with the bar of soap.

I got out and dried myself off. I put on my underwear and a white T-shirt, with running shorts. When I went into my room it was cold. I noticed my window was open, but I left it open because I liked the breeze.

I grabbed a book from one of my boxes I didn't unpack. It was called Winter Girls. Beautiful book. I pulled the blankets back off my bed and propped a pillow on the head board. I sat down and opened the book to page 50.

I couldn't focus on what I was reading. I couldn't remember. I closed the book and went downstairs to the kitchen. My grandma was away at a friends house. I opened the fridge looking inside for something to eat. I couldn't find anything to my liking so I went to the cabinet and found a lot of junk.

I grabbed a brownie and I heard low guitar playing and a voice. A males voice. I thought it was the TV or a radio, but the further I walked from the kitchen the lower the music got.

I went back into the kitchen and the closer I got to the back door, the music got louder. I stepped on my tiptoes and looked out the window. I didn't see anyone. I put the brownie on the counter and opened the door.

I could hear the music coming from my right. I turned and there was a fence. A wooden fence. "Hello?" I asked. The music stopped and I heard the voice clear its troat. "Sorry, am I bothering you?" He said in a low voice.

"Uh no, I thought I was hearing things." I replied. He didn't say anything. I went back inside and closed the door grabbing my brownie and headed back upstairs. I got back in my bed and tried reading again.

I read how the main character starved herself, how her collar bone stuck out. I looked at my half eaten brownie and closed it up. "Maybe I shouldn't be eating so much."

I closed the book and put it on my nightstand. I got up and turned off my light lying in bed.
I fell fast asleep.