Take Me Down, Professor (El Profesor #1)

Chapter 18

"Come inside," rinig kong sambit niya mula sa kabilang panig ng pinto. Unti-unti kong binuksan ang pinto and I saw him sitting on his chair while looking at some papers in a folder. "Close the door and come quick."

Agad kong sinara ang pinto at naglakad patungo sa kaniya. "Bakit niyo po ako pinatawag?" nahihiya kong tanong dahil kahit isang tingin ay hindi niya ibinigay sa akin. Naglakad ako papunta sa tapat ng table niya. Simula nang mag-away kami, ganito ko na siya kausapin. May po, may paggalang. I feel the distance between us.

"You see, your performance in my class is getting better. I just want to tell you that—" Natigil siya sa pananalita nang makita niya ako. Ilang segundong nagtagpo ang aming mga mata. Medyo nanibago pa ako sa itsura niya dahil nakasalamin siya at naka-itim na tuxedo.

"That?" naghihintay kong tanong. Hindi ko maiwasang kalikutin ang mga kuko ko sa kaba.

"You're beautiful."

I was shocked when I heard that from him. Napaatras pa ako pero hindi niya ako hinayaang makalayo sa kaniya nang sa isang saglit ay tinanggal niya ang kaniyang salamin, hinatak niya ang aking batok para siilan ako ng halik.

Hindi ako agad nakagalaw dahil kakaiba ang halik na ibinibigay niya sa akin. Madiin. Parang sabik na sabik.

Napapikit ako at napatugon din sa mga halik niya. My hands are now on his chest. Peste ang table na nasa gitna na humaharang sa amin. Hindi ko siya mayakap.

But he was so hungry to devour me. Hindi niya ako pinakakawalan at nilalasap niya talaga ang mga labi ko. Maging ang dila niya ay kaniyang ipinapasok sa bibig ko. Nakakabaliw. Hindi ko naman maitatangging hindi ko ito nagugustuhan dahil nadadala ako. Tila ba nalilimutan kong may cold war sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Kung hindi pa siguro ako mawawalan ng hininga ay hindi niya ako titigilan. Nakakunot ang mga noo niyang nakatingin sa akin nang matatag. But the next thing he said made my whole world shatter. "I'm sorry."

Nakaramdam ako ng pagkainis. "Sorry for what?" Hindi ko napigilang taasan siya ng boses.

"Sorry that I ruined your lipstick." Lumapit siya sa akin at binigyan ako ng panyo.

I rolled my eyes. "God! You just kissed me and the first thing you will say is an apology? What the heck? Am I a toy? Hahalikan mo kung kailan mo gusto nang walang dahilan?"

Hindi ko na nagawang pigilan pa ang mga luha ko. Nakakapeste kasi ang ginagawa niya sa akin. Hindi naman ako tuod para walang maramdaman. Noong una ay pinalagpas ko pa, pero ngayong ginawa niya ulit nang biglaan...anong gusto niyang maramdaman ko?

"You know how much I was heartbroken because of Professor Sybill, but what did you do? You pry about my feelings because, you know, since the very first day, he has been fooling me! If you are the owner of the Island Motel Bar, then you must really know what's going on between us. But you used it against me to get what you wanted. You are using me! You are using my grades to your advantage! And I realized it just now!" I yelled out of frustration. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. How can I be so stupid and be fooled by professors twice? Ganito ba talaga sila dahil mga estudyante lang kami? Mamanipulahin?

"That's not true." He stepped forward but I stepped back.

"It is the truth, Ismael. Nakikita ko. Nakikita ko ang ginagawa mo sa akin and I am so blinded by my guilt because I thought it was all my fault...pero hindi ko na kaya. Nasasaktan na ako sa ginagawa mo. Let's end this. Let's end our agreement."

I turned my back on him but I immediately stopped by the time he said those words. "I can't help myself to kiss you. That's why I'm sorry."

Narinig ko ang mga yabag ng kaniyang sapatos na papalapit sa akin. "I am not apologizing because I did it; I am apologizing because I couldn't hold back myself."

"What do you expect to be my reaction after seeing you dressed in such a beautiful bridal gown?" dagdag pa niya.

Tumayo siya sa harap ko habang hinuhuli ang mga mata kong pilit umiiwas. "Kung hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko, baka hindi lang kita nahalikan, Miss Alvandra."

Napalunok ako. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Naubos na ang mga sasabihin ko sa mahaba kong litanya kanina, kaya ngayon naman ay siya ang hinahayaan kong sabihin ang saloobin niya.

"You are so beautiful to cry for a man." Pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko. "Even I don't deserve a single tear from you."

He held my arm before he kissed my eyelids. In just a moment, I forgot everything about our arguments. I was full of rage earlier and in just a blink, because of a kiss from him, it faded away.

"You were right; I know that Professor Sybill was fooling you but I couldn't get myself to tell it to you because I know you'll definitely get hurt. I stopped you from going to that bar because I discovered he was with his wife that night but still, you were so stubborn to find out for yourself. I was trying to protect you because I know how vulnerable you are. You were so focused on something unnecessary when you should be focusing on yourself. Don't you have dreams?"

Napakagat na lamang ako sa ibabang labi ko dahil sa mahaba niyang litanya. This must be our longest conversation since we started talking. I never thought he would be honest with me. At nararamdaman kong totoo ang sinasabi niya dahil kinukumpirma iyon ng puso ko.

Kinuwit niya ang baba ko, dahil hinihintay niya ang sagot ko. Umiling lamang ako. "I don't know."

Tumango siya at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko tsaka iyon tinapik na para bang kino-comfort niya ako or more or less, pinapaamo. "It's okay. We'll figure it out. And yes, if you really want our agreement to end, that's okay. I won't force you to do anything now. Just be yourself and figure out your dreams. No pressure."

I was so angry earlier, pero dahil binanatan niya ako nang kalmado, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko sa galit ko. And now, he diverted our conversation to my dreams, even though I was not sure about it. I am taking up a business course, pero hindi ko alam bakit iyon ang kinuha ko or should I say, baka nakalimutan ko na ang dahilan.

Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha niya. He is here in front of me with those eyes full of care. Does he really care about me? I don't understand his methods. Most of the time he is so nonchalant and always starts to pick a fight with me but whenever we get into an argument, I can say that he's coming from something I couldn't understand. He's trying to hide it that is why I am not sure of it. Cold hands, warm heart indeed.

It was the first time, I saw him in this way. Kanina lang ay ramdam ko ang distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa, pero bakit sa isang iglap ay parang naging malapit kaming muli? Am I insane? Is it normal to feel a strange connection with a professor? This is not what I felt before towards Professor Sybill. This is all new to me.

Kung wala sigurong kumatok sa pinto ay hindi matatapos ang pagtititigan naming dalawa. Pareho kaming napatingin sa pintuan nang bumukas ito. It is the class president of our section. "Sorry to interrupt you po, Professor Mondalla, but we need na po si Jothea. Hindi pa po siya kumakain at magreresume na po kami."

"I understand." Muling tumingin sa akin si Ismael at tumango. Naglakad na ako paalis kasabay ang president namin na ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin kilala.

"Masyado ka bang pinagalitan ni Professor Mondalla, kaya ganiyan ang itsura mo?" tanong nito sa akin. Tiningnan ko siya at napasulyap ako sa repleksyon ko sa bintana ng classrooms na dinaraanan namin. Kalat ang mascara sa mga mata ko na isang pagpapatunay na umiyaka ko. "Even your lips are messy," dagdag pa niya.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Pagkatapos mong kumain ay pumunta kang muli sa make-up artist natin para maayusan ka."

Tumango ako at nagpasalamat. Hindi ko napansin na sirang-sira na pala ang make-up ko but yet that man was still looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world.