Her Story: October Ivory

10

"Do we have any athletes in here?" Lee asks, and nearly everyone raised their hands but I wasn't surprised because classes such as this one usually had those types of students in them for some odd reason. "So we can all agree that throwing our shoes in the washer and dryer takes too long and scrubbing them, who wants to do that? What if I told you that there was a better and quicker way to clean them."

Lee and I continued to pitch our product to the class. Though no one was actually listening but the teacher.

~After Class~

"Hey October!" Someone shouted from down the hall. It was Nyana. I internally sigh. What does she want? She came over to me, sizing me up before saying, "I see you've been hanging with Lee."

       I swallow nervously, making sure to keep a safe distance from her. "Yeah, just for a few days." She squinted at me hard and I looked away.

         "Doing what?"

          I look at the clock above her. "We had a project so working on that."

         "Oh okay cause you know she's mine right?" I finally look at her. She looked irritated and almost eager to hear me say yes. But Lee told me they weren't together. I guess she saw the look on my face because she said, "she told you the opposite?" I just stared at her awkwardly and she started laughing. "Don't believe her. We was just kissing in the bathroom before class started. She's just saying that because she likes to be private about our relationship."

           Oh? I just nod. "I have to go now...I don't wanna be late." Anger seems to flash in her eyes but it's covered with a smile.

           "Okay. Go ahead." She steps back and I question that if I turn around she'll punch me. I do so anyway but nothing happens and I relax.

At lunch, Nyana kept staring at me and Lee. She didn't look okay. Lee scooted my chair closer and snaked her arm around my waist and I peeped at Nyana who was glaring at me. I cleared my throat and gently removed Lee's arm from my torso before scooting back over a little. She noticed and looked at me confused but I just stared at the table. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her resume the conversation she was having with her friend and I looked at Nyana again. Her attention was on her food now as she picked at it. But there was a smirk on her face.

           The rest of the day went by smoothly being that I didn't see Nyana anymore. Lee called me over to her car after school and I listened.

"You aight?" She asks, looking at me with concern while placing her hands in her cargos pockets.

"Yes. Why?"

"Cause you seemed a bit off at lunch."

I wave her off with a little smile. "I'm good. Promise."

She nods licking her lips. "Aight cool. Tryna come to my house? We can play the game or some."

I shake my head. "I have to get home. Maybe some other time?"

She nods. "Okay. You want me to drive you?"

"No I should ride the bus." After we said our goodbyes and I started to walk away, my face dropped. All I could think about was Nyana and how she basically told me to back off of Lee and it didn't sit right with me. So, I lied to Lee. I don't think I'll ever go to her house again because I feel like Nyana's gonna do something to me and somethings telling me Lee won't do anything about it for real. So it's best if I distance myself.

When I get home, my mom was sitting on the couch with her "friend" which really stood for boyfriend. He came over from time to time. He was a nice man. My mom was not a good fit for him but she hid the side she showed to me from him.

"Hey October! How was school?" She asked.

"It was okay," I respond, waving at Pastor Henderson. He smiles genuinely. He preaches at our local church which my mom doesn't even go to. She went one time because someone offered her to go and then never went back. I asked to come with her that time but she told me no of course. "I'm gonna go to my room."

"Okay, dinner will be ready in a few hours, make sure to freshen up before then and get any homework done."

"Yes ma'am." As soon as I got in my room I felt a deep amount of sadness hit me. I've realized that the only time my mom loved me is when a man was around. Multiple men have been in and out of her life and it was the same. And they all left because the actual her would start coming out and then she'd blame them leaving on me. Saying that I made her the way she is, even going as far as to saying she wished she never birthed me.

My heart ached thinking about that and I took off my book bag before sitting against the wall. I heard her laughing with Pastor and my eyes started to burn. I can't remember the last time me and her laughed like that, nor spent time together. All I can remember from a young age was being abused and thrown hateful words.

I ended up crying myself to sleep and I was awoken by her. "Dinner's ready," she told me and I nodded before standing up and following her as I rubbed my eyes. They kind of hurt from all the crying I did.

My mom made steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans.

"I know you feel lucky to have a mother who cooks for you every night," Pastor tells me with a smile. I smile back weakly and nod, playing along with what she was doing. I played along with the prayer she said before we ate and I played along with the whole talking at the dinner table. It didn't feel right but, it never did. But it wasn't hard for me to act like this was normal since she did it every time he came which was once a month.

After dinner I went back to my room to start on some homework. Pastor was still here and he didn't leave for a while. But when he did leave, my mom barged into my room. "I fucking hate you October!" She yanked me up off of my bed by my shirt and pushed me into the wall. "You're not slick! Why were you looking all sad at the dinner table? Huh?! If I noticed it I know Pastor did." She punched me in the chest and I coughed as I started to cry again. She kept beating on me and telling me how horrible of a representation I was of her. She pushed me to the floor, kicked me, screamed in my face, punched me on multiple accounts and drug me by my hair while I just continued to do what I did best: take it.

I'm starting to accept that this was my life and there was nothing I could do about it.