Lust Is Friendship

Chapter 23: All Things Brought To The Light

"Huh, What did you say?" Kajol said not knowing if she heard the man correctly. She could have sworn her ears were deceiving her. She tried to pull her hand away from Shah Rukh though she knew he wouldn't allow her to. He held her hand tighter not dreaming of letting go.

"I think I should tell Gauri about our relationship. I don't know what else to do besides confess the true extent of our relationship." Shah Rukh said as he searched her eyes. He could see the worry and concern that screamed within them. He hated himself for it. It's not like he was in just a nonchalant or terrible marriage. He loved and had been with Gauri for a little over three decades. Everything in his marriage was fine, there were never any major issues. He loved her dearly, desired her, and didn't care to see beyond her until Kajol unknowingly unleashed a lust in him he never knew he had been feeling for her. Shah Rukh still couldn't believe that their affair had gotten this far. That his lust had turned to love.

"I don't know how to feel about that. Are you just okay with your marriage being over?" Kajol asked boldly. She could see the setback in Shah Rukh's face, of course, the man hadn't thought that far ahead. Her heart deflated. Karan's words replayed in her head. "He does love you, but I believe that love has limits. If he wanted to truly leave his wife, you both wouldn't have agreed to end this affair and separate from each other. He's been with Gauri most of his life. She's seen every success, and been his rock for every downfall. He loves her in ways you've never understood Kajol. He won't leave her." She felt as if she were on the edge of tears just thinking about it. Karan had to be right. Kajol couldn't even imagine Shah Rukh leaving Gauri for her, it wasn't going to happen.

"I honestly can't answer that question. I don't know. I just know I love you. But I also still have love for her too, I've known and loved her most of my life, Kajol. None of this is easy, but I want you in my life as more than just a friend. I need you. I believe you were meant for me." Shah Rukh smiled sadly. He felt like a selfish and thoughtless man as he spoke his conflicting thoughts. A man who wanted his cake and to eat it too, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. All he knew was that he was in love with the woman seated in front of him and he needed her in his life for a lifetime if she would allow it.

"Okay." Kajol said shaking her head in defeat. She felt so discouraged and wanted to shut down emotionally. There was no winning and she was starting to come to terms with it. Shah Rukh noticed her deflation in mood instantly. He wished he could be all for ending his marriage and being with her, but it wasn't that straightforward.

"Are you upset with me?" Shah Rukh asked cautiously though he already knew the answer. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her, but she had to know where his head was. He just didn't want to hurt anyone though he knew it was impossible.

"No. I just don't know how to feel. What's the point in telling Gauri about our affair if nothing is going to come from it and you stay with her? I don't want that, but I also don't want her heart to be broken. There's no way to win." Kajol admitted her thoughts freely. Shah Rukh sighed intertwined their fingers together. He hated that he couldn't guarantee her anything still.

"I'm sorry." Shah Rukh said with a sigh quietly. Kajol nodded him off not really wanting to hear his apology though she could understand his thought process. If Ajay were a better man and husband it would be hard for her just up and leave him too.

"It's okay. I think we should just continue with our relationship until filming is over as we agreed before. After the film is over that's it if you can't make up your mind. We'll put on nice faces for the cameras during promotional events, but that's it. We're completely done. I'm done Shah Rukh." Kajol let her free hand grip around her coffee mug bringing it to her lips to take a quick sip before talking again. She really wanted to burst out in tears though she kept her composure.