Will I reach you?

Too far now

Sand's POV :

We entered inside my home, footsteps and heavy sighs filling the silence still lingering around us which don't know why is still continuing between us after the car ride from Boston's dungeon.

Ray did nothing. Or I should say he did nothing new but something was off now. Things seemed changed.

He moved as usual, staring at me with those concerned yet confident eyes, smile so reassuring and sweet you would forget about anything on your mind but today, it didn't work.

"You'll be okay right? I'm heading home now. If anything happens or you need anything give me a call." He said still smiling.

"Is this it?" I asked because I couldn't contain it in me anymore.

"What?" He asked so innocently I felt I should not say another word or it would ruin his rare caring demeanor.

But I chose otherwise.

"You're gonna go just like that? After everything happened today?" I asked him. His perplexed face was something I already predicted in my mind.

You see, we don't really stay with each other on normal occasions. Only when we are horny or tired enough which happens maybe once or twice a month.

Other times even when we're drunk, when we discuss something sad like Ray's trauma or my past (that's another story) we still act normally and sleep at our separate homes because we are casually together right? No expectations at all.

Ray spoke "Hey, I'm so sorry, I thought you'd want to rest without disturbance today because you'll go to work tomorrow anyways...which you shouldn't....but...I didn't mean it that way...i should-"

"Mew can't be left alone for long isn't it? You should proceed surely." I don't know why I'm saying this. "Leave me for the second time tonight."

"Sand I genuinely didn't think you wanted me to stay and about Mew i-" Ray wanted to say. And I wanted to hear it. But my mind had a lot to say.

"I know. He is sad, lonely, and everything else which would make him the center of your attention but what about me Ray?? You fucking friend kidnapped me and he was going to leak my pictures-"

"He what?? Why didn't you tell me this there? I would've taken then away from that motherfucker-" Ray said.

"Oh Im so sorry I was a little traumatised and unable to think clearly Ray I'm the stupid one here. Now you'll have to work extra time just to get them pictures right? Such a hassle" I yelled dramatically...

"Sand what the fuck are you talking about?" He yelled but I wasn't moved a bit.

"It's fine Ray you absolutely do not need to help me. I can solve my problems on my own because i KNOW you have other people higher on your priority list" I said.

"Why the fuck are you saying all this Sand?? Why are you bringing New again and again between us?" He sounded perplexed.

"So sorry I'm bringing your precious crush between our conversation-"
"SAND!" He screamed and that brought me to reality...and a year escaped from my eye....

We stood there while i sobbed....him not moving an inch...not saying a word....that really made me want to disappear from this earth....

Minutes passed and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Even today...on valentine's day when I expected nothing more than a little bit of your time and attention...you left me...I know you did not know of Boston's plan but even if that wouldn't have happened Ray.......I would still be alone at the bar and return back home alone.....
Boston did all sorts of things and I was scared to death.........but none of that hurt me the way you leaving everytime does." I said between uncontrollable sobs...

I poured my hear out. Stood baring my heart in front of the man I'm in love with....this was the only thing I could do.

And he said "I..don't know what to do anymore....it seems like everything is clear to you..." what?

"I think we should end it here." Ray said.....

...

What did he just say?

My mouth went dry after hearing him.....

He got that from whatever I tried to explain him...

"You want to end it with me?" I asked trying my best not to show the physical shivers I was getting at this point. Not even in my dreams have i ever imagined  that he'd say this.

"What else do you want me to do Sand? No matter how hard I try, how quickly I try to make things right and not repeat my mistakes from the past you keep coming back to square 1" He said not even raising his voice. He looked.....like he already decided it in his mind long ago....

"You really give up easily don't you?" I said that and saw something changing on his face for a split second. But he said what he wanted now.

"I gave up? After all I did I am the one you are blaming? Ask yourself if you ever tried to trust me? Now I feel that truly, somewhere Mew understands me better than you-"

"Get out of my house. We're done." I couldn't take it at this point and said it.

For once he looked a little helpless.

Even at this moment when he was breaking my heart I wanted to talk to him, i wanted to give him another chance, but did he even want that chance?

After taking a deep sigh and rubbing his face he went out closing the door, not even sparing a glance at me....

When I needed him the most, when I needed his reassurance for ONCE, he left me alone....