After disconnecting the call Ghost took a deep breath. “What am I doing,” he mumbles softly to himself before heading out to do some training at the firing range
I stare at my phone after Simon disconnects. My mind replays the conversation over in my head. I get stuck on his voice. Being attracted to someone's voice was, well you couldn't help it.
Unworthy. Undeserving. His books had too much red and not enough black. He couldn't fathom bringing his darkness into your world. Tainting the light he could already tell you exuded.
So he did what he was comfortable with. What was safe. He pretended you didn't exist. Your letters were put in a box and shoved unceremoniously under his bunk.
He didn't call you again and he didn't return your texts. He hated himself for it, but he wasn't safe. Not for you or your life.
I chock it up to him being busy. I don't dwell on it at first. I couldn't bring myself to call him, I would not want to interrupt him. I wait 2 weeks before I send the first text.
A simple hello, hope you're doing OK. It sits on delivered for a few hours before turning to read. Nothing. I wait a couple days and send another.
‘Did I do something?’ Simple. Straightforward. I worry maybe I said something during our phone call that made him uncomfortable.
After still getting no response, I assume maybe it's just me as a whole that makes him uncomfortable. So I stop. Everything. I don't write anymore letters, send any more packages or text again.
I'm sad at first, feeling like I had lost the first real connection I had made with someone in a while. Then I convince myself that that's just dumb. I only sent a few letters and gifts and we only spoke once.
As the weeks tick by the pain lessens until it's just a memory. The rocks sit on my desk and I hold them every once in a while but they too eventually sit forgotten as well.
Ghost can't seem to get Y/N out of his head. He thought if he ignored her she would go away. She did in a sense. She didn't call or text him after the first couple texts went unanswered. No more packages arrived.
He wasn't sleeping and was extra short tempered. Others had started to take notice.
Captain Price calls him into his office.
“What's gotten into you son?” he asks, concerned about Ghost's sudden change in demeanor.
Ghost slumps into the couch in Price's office.
“A woman,” Ghost's answer is short and to the point. Ghost explains the situation and his thoughts to Price.
“You're a lot of things Ghost but stupid isn't one of them, usually,” Price quips. “But right now Simon you're being stupid. You obviously care for this woman,” he mutters.
Clutching the phone in shaking hands, Ghost tries to compose a message to y/n that conveys accurately what he is feeling.
I want to be angry when I see Simon's text come in while I'm at work. A part of me is. Pissed that for 2 months he's said nothing. Clearly ignoring me.
I bite the inside of my cheek, a nervous habit, a holdover from childhood. I let his text sit there for the remainder of my work day. I want time to compose my thoughts and feelings before I respond.
My phone rests on my lap as I swirl my glass of wine in my hand. I click on his text message to finally open it.
“I'd like to explain my silence if you'll let me. I am sorry btw”
“Go ahead”
I hit send and put down my phone. The wine has my emotions all jumbled in my head. Relief that he's finally reached out. Annoyance that I'm excited to hear from him again. There's a little bit of hurt as well.
By far the loudest emotion though is anger. That he can just text after two months and upend the peace I had finally made with the situation.
