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love hurts

love hurts. love hurts so much. i don't care what other people say. love isn't pretty, love isn't perfect, love isn't the best thing that could ever happen to you. love hurts. love makes you sick, love makes your heart ache. love breaks your heart. love is something so powerful that it eventually becomes our worst enemy. i used to think love was beautiful. i used to think that love was the best thing in life. those are lies. all of it is lies. love fucking sucks. yeah, loving someone and them loving you back, holding hands, hugging, kissing, sharing a life, i'm sure that's great. but love isn't. love isn't great when you wake up one day and you realize you're in love with you best friend. your best friend who you've never met in real life. your best friend who lives in another country. your best friend who makes you fucking blush through the screen. yeah, everything seems pretty. the flirty comments. the joking compliment that turn out to be real. it's a fucking nightmare. the desire to be held by the other person. and the realization that it's not possible because it seems like you're universes apart. but he's so perfect. he's so fucking perfect. sometimes i think, what did i ever do to the universe to deserve this? why do i have to be in love with him. why couldn't it be with my real life best friend? he's also gay, so why not him? no, it had to be that curly haired fucker who won't stop sending me voice messages singing. and they drive me crazy. and i hate to say it, but the good kind of crazy. he drives me crazy. i swear if he could see what im writing right now he won't stop calling me a simp and bullying me about it. but that just makes me fall in love more. GOD, HE'S SO FUCKING PERFECT! he's so smart, and he's handsome, and he's funny! why, WHY?! i know i sound dramatic, but it's the first time i've fallen in love, you know? i guess every first time is important and exciting. is something new. i remember describing love a few months ago, when i had no idea what it was. i mean i had an idea. but now it's completely different. i had this amazing idea of love, that just makes you feel warm and whole, and happy and comfortable. i thought it was scary at first. now i think it's scary all the time. what will i do when he gets a partner? someone who lives close to him, someone he really likes. not likes like me. someone who will talk to him everyday, just like we do. but someone who gets to hold him. someone who gets to touch him. who gets to really see him. if i were to record a sped up video of me talking about the person i love it will never end. i sound crazy, i know, but bare with me, im just a teenage boy in love. he is the first person who has ever seen me as who i really am. he doesn't judge me. sometimes i want him to judge me. sometimes i want him to wake up one day and stop texting me. forever. maybe it's for the best, you know? maybe if he stops texting me, everything will be better. of course, i could never stop texting him. i will find and excuse in everything. but if he stopped, maybe my love for him will stop too. and maybe, loving someone will stop hurting. and maybe, just maybe, love won't hurt. but that's impossible. you and i both know, dear reader, that love hurts.